[Sasuke's still going to have to wrestle with an intense infatuation, but at least he can probably think a little more clearly. On the other hand, Love doesn't let go of his hands and continues to think on that.]
…Sasuke. There's only a certain limit I can do, but I can do my best. But you're not going to like the task. It's your choice though, okay?
If you can be honest about your emotions with five people, I can mute them until Monday. The power from my follower is still in play, I can't change that or what it makes you feel about Senri because of it, but everything else tied to you can be shut down for a while.
[His guilt. His confusion. His anger. Any of that. Strangely, she sure is ignoring that topic about her and someone else. This is more important to her.]
[There's no hesitation or reluctance. He doesn't say whether he intends to pursue it or not, only that he agrees with the stipulations. He tries to draw back his quivering, clammy hands.]
Yup. That's usually what emotions are. [NOPE SHES KEEPING A FIRM GRIP.] Your true feelings. They're scary, aren't they? That's why it's such a daunting task.
Surprisingly, he stops trying to get his hands back. He's been unfortunately around Senri enough to just resign himself to this kind of fate even if it kills him. His lips thin and then frown.]
Whatever I feel doesn't matter anymore. Here... None of it mattered anyway. I'm... an idiot. I didn't come here to make friends.
I know you didn't. [Well. Since she has his hands, she's just going to keep them and casually rub her thumbs over the top of them to try and keep him focused and calmed down enough. Thanks for taming the ninja, Senri.] But you're not an idiot for having feelings or getting attached to people. Do you realize how long you guys have been here? And the kind stuff you've gone through?
So what're you really saying anyway? That everybody else's feelings on stuff matter but yours don't?
[At that, he's quiet for some time. He doesn't... really have any kind of excuse he can give. "Yes," but no reasoning behind it which isn't simply because he said so.]
[Oh good, at least he recognizes that that reasoning won't fly. She maybe will feel a little bad she's bullying him into thinking about this, but Love has seen some shit go wrong when people hide their feelings...]
The things I've done. The things I plan to do. [He won't look up to meet her eyes, even if the mask makes them hard to see.] As long as no one else has to do them... I'll shoulder the burden of not deserving forgiveness or happiness.
...there's such a thing as redemption, you know? And I think your motivations are maybe all the reason why people should think to forgive you for things. I'm not saying they should because I don't know everything, but it takes a lot to decide to take the weight for yourself so others won't have to.
And that's why I still think it's important to listen to everyone's thoughts and feelings. Otherwise it's just going to create even bigger problems.
[...] I'm going to tell you something, but you can't say anything to Yu-senpai. Okay?
[No, don't tell him something that is only going to make him like you more??? He hates this. He hates friends and family. He hates...!! He hates loving people!! He only gets hurt, and when he does, it hurts so much.
[She's...going to keep holding his hands because this is a long story to tell.]
...I'm sure you know by now, but Yu-senpai and I met in that town I created for my wing last week. Inaba. He moved there to live with his uncle while his parents were overseas, and I moved there during my hiatus from my career. But the thing is there was something strange happening in our town. A string of murders started to occur, and people were dying. When Senpai arrived into town, he started learning about the murders. Yosuke-senpai, Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai were all in the same class as him, so they told him a little about Inaba and about this rumor called the Midnight Channel. They say that if you turn on the TV at midnight while it's raining, you'll see your soulmate.
That was fake. What you would see is a view into a place called the Shadow World, or the TV World. The real Midnight Channel was a place that people were kidnapped to, pushed inside a TV and falling into this other place. It's foggy in there, and people are safe for a while because the Shadows that live there won't attack until the fog's gone. When it clears up though, anybody inside will be killed.
It's possible to save them though. That's what our team started to do. A member of our team gave us these special glasses that we could use to see through the fog and navigate through the Midnight Channel. We'd have to find where they landed, and usually they were in a place that was designed based on their own Shadow. …a person's shadow self usually appeared on the TV before the person was thrown into the Midnight Channel. They would look exactly like the people who were kidnapped but…different. Shadow selves are created from negative emotions and feelings people keep to themselves, those thoughts that're repressed and what people will hide from other people and from themselves.
[Her grip on his hands tightens just a tiny bit. "As if that's even close to what you're really thinking, you little skank!" "I'm sick of being some airhead cliché who chokes down everything she's fed and takes it all with a smile!"]
The people who encountered their shadow selves would have to hear all kinds of horrible things…because they were the truth. And if they tried to deny them, the Shadow would reveal itself and kill that person. Luckily, we had a team that could go in and fight back and save people before they were killed. When a Shadow self was defeated, and accepted, it became something called a Persona…it's a manifestation of the heart and feelings, something that got turned into a strength even if it's the ugly and hard truth.
For a long time, we didn't know where the Midnight Channel came from or what was happening…we thought we caught the real killer and everything, too, even though we almost killed the wrong guy. But later, Senpai encountered a gas station attendant who told him everything. Izanami…a god who created the channel and spread the rumors in the first place. And because of that, and because our team was ahead and willing to rescue everyone, Izanami challenged us to one more fight.
In the Midnight Channel…I could usually sense where people were. I could feel their hearts and how unstable they felt, and it's what always led us to where they were hiding so we could rescue them. But Izanami didn't have that. She…didn't feel like anything. But she had been the one to give Yu-senpai his power, and the rest of us followed after him. She led us through this really long corridor, and we had to fight a lot of Shadows between each door.
She said that she selected three people to gift her power to; people who represented despair, emptiness, and hope. She said…that Senpai represented hope. And she was going to test his power.
"One had not the eyes to see things as they were, and failed to awaken to his power. One chose to avert his eyes from the truth, and allowed evil to taint his awakened power. But this one…he has come this far, yet he still yearns for the truth. He still fights." That's what she said. Yu-senpai's power had grown beyond the god's expectations.
She chose three to see what it was mankind wished for. She thought that mankind preferred hiding everything instead of facing the truth. So she created the TV world to bring in the fog. And try to bring it over us, too. It used to rain a lot in Inaba…and that was probably why.
She wanted to mess up our world and let the fog come, and let the Shadows be free. Destroy the world to return it to its void of origin or whatever, so that mankind didn't have a reason to run away from their feelings. But she was doing it all wrong. The Midnight Channel was, like…a window, I guess. It let us see what we were thinking of, the sides of ourselves we were trying to hide that other people wanted to see most. The victims were always people who were on TV, so it was like…people of interest. "The want to show, and the want to see." That's what she said.
She tried to say that you could only know a finite number of people in your lifetime, and that it was our own fault for seeing what we saw. None of us wanted to live in the world she was intending to create.
She didn't like that. And so we fought. And she transformed into her true self…Izanami-no-Okami. And she pulled us all straight to hell.
[…poor Sasuke, having to sit here and listen to this.]
…Senpai was strong though. He thought he lost all of us, but…we were right there with him. His feelings for us, the bonds we had all made by being honest with each other…it's what gave him the strength to get up one more time and for his own Persona to transform and take on the goddess. Even in her defeat, she tried to insist peace was living in blissful ignorance, but we wouldn't let her get away with it.
…our fate was our own to decide after that. But we were powerful enough to exceed her expectations, and the fog of that world disappeared. Everything was beautiful and clear, even with those messy emotions and fears.
And that's why, I think, everyone's feelings are important. It's dangerous to let people be alone and suppress what they're feeling, not only for other people but for themselves. Humanity is a really complicated thing, and emotions are even more complicated, but…they're the thing that gives you strength even in your weakest moments. Think of everything you've been fighting for both here and in your own world. Isn't it just because of how you feel about things? I know it's hard, but…everyone deserves it. No matter what. And you should never feel ashamed of forming those precious bonds, even if you think they won't matter. They will.
[Admittedly??? He listens. He's got a temper when his buttons are pushed, but for the most part, he's patient. He doesn't mind listening since listening means he doesn't have to be the one talking. Especially about feelings.
Besides, he likes Yu, and hearing more about Yu and Love and their world... Well, there are some common themes that link them all together, he finds. So maybe listening isn't so bad after all, in the end.
Or maybe it is because... then he just has more clarity. The blinders get pulled back away, the tunnel-vision gets wider. The stumble and fall he took from one single set-back starts again to get realigned and adjusted.]
Hope, mm. [Sasuke can... see why Yu lacks a bit of self-preservation sometimes.] You should tell him.
[He still hasn't taken his hands away; he doesn't want to fight a losing battle. His eye lifts, dark but... soft.]
Your feelings. If you think they're so important, [this whole thing is two pots calling the other kettles black] you would be a hypocrite not to tell him how you feel. If I have to tell five people... Shouldn't you be able to handle one?
[He at least doesn't seem as biting as he could be when he's angry. It's... more of a tease, if anything, even if he doesn't sound entirely teasing.]
[Sasuke, you're awful. There's a little hum though and she's thinking it over. They're also still holding hands I guess because this is 100% the case of two stubborn teenagers hypocritically calling each other out.]
...he knows I love him. And he says that he loves me. [There's a small, weird little thing that almost sounds like doubt in her voice but she's not going to focus on that.] Not that it matters because we both know he has to go back and I have to stay here. But...he thinks I'm dead, Sasuke. He thinks all of us are, and that's why...I can't be the one to take away his wish.
[Yu's fighting for a chance to save all of them. That's always been his wish, to save them from being pulled and destroyed in the pits of hell, to bring them back to the world, to defeat Izanami and face the truth with his own power. To tell him that everything turns out alright in the end...would that help, or would that hinder him? In truth, she's too scared to try. Not when he's already so fragile from this game.]
But I did tell him. When he came into this game, I fought for him harder than anyone else to make sure I was one of the three he would be able to choose. When he chose me, I knew I had to do what I could to watch over him. Even though...it hurts sometimes. To care about someone this much and knowing how it'll turn out. That doesn't mean it's not worth it though.
Senpai and I know our time's limited and that's why we're making the most of it. But to tell him the truth about that...he knows he's my hope. I've never lied to him about that.
[It's just the whole part of how everything turns out in the end.]
[Thankfully, Sasuke looks a tad more softly sheepish at the clarification.
He doesn't like hearing... any of the worlds. He doesn't like hearing them because they resonate. Because he knows why Yu has stayed with her for as long as possible. Because he knows why Itachi chose her despite killing, despite saying untruthful things.
Really, he thought any tears he had left had dried up after losing his brother the first time. He hadn't cried since he was a child and, after his brother's death, he hadn't cried again either.
But now he cries. It isn't sobbing. It isn't a lot. Silent, with his head hung down and his shoulders bent over, his arms quivering. He has a very, very, very bad time with Love, sorry.]
[Oh. Well. Shit. She didn't...mean to do that? But maybe it's better because it doesn't take a genius to see that Sasuke's been holding onto a lot and this whole thing is making everything much harder. She should maybe say something.
But she doesn't, because that would be counterproductive, so she settles for holding his hands and letting him cry. It's fine, nobody else is here. It's probably safer in here than out there anyway.
Normally she'd hug people but she's also not sure Sasuke's receptive to that right now, so this is a healthy compromise until she gets a better read.
And yet, all she can really think at the end of it is "finally."]
[The crying is blessedly short. It takes him a few minutes, hands clinging to hers, until he's dried out, exhausted, but... strangely more free. And maybe a tad bit embarrassed. He's not... exactly sure why he felt the need to cry in the first place.
Just... a lot of everything. It makes sense.]
...Sorry.
[Now he tries to draw at least one hand back so he can rub the back of his wrist over his face. But he won't lift his head...]
[She lets him take a hand back, still holding the other one if he's going to let her. She's also shrugging a little when he apologizes.]
It happens. ...feeling any better? [The real question is does Sasuke still want to mute literally everything. She's kind of hoping no, but it's his choice in the end.
On the other hand, she's using her free hand to fish out a package of tissues if he wants those instead of his wrist.]
[At least he's honest. Turning his head, he gives it a shake dismissively at the offered tissue. It's fine. He got most of it off with his wrist and the back of his hand.]
[There's a surprising amount of grace and talent when he goes from sitting to standing in one fluid motion. He wipes his face once with his arm and then clears his throat.
And then he just turns and leaves because, yeah, boys.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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…Sasuke. There's only a certain limit I can do, but I can do my best. But you're not going to like the task. It's your choice though, okay?
If you can be honest about your emotions with five people, I can mute them until Monday. The power from my follower is still in play, I can't change that or what it makes you feel about Senri because of it, but everything else tied to you can be shut down for a while.
[His guilt. His confusion. His anger. Any of that. Strangely, she sure is ignoring that topic about her and someone else. This is more important to her.]
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[There's no hesitation or reluctance. He doesn't say whether he intends to pursue it or not, only that he agrees with the stipulations. He tries to draw back his quivering, clammy hands.]
What do you mean by emotions? How I feel?
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Surprisingly, he stops trying to get his hands back. He's been unfortunately around Senri enough to just resign himself to this kind of fate even if it kills him. His lips thin and then frown.]
Whatever I feel doesn't matter anymore. Here... None of it mattered anyway. I'm... an idiot. I didn't come here to make friends.
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So what're you really saying anyway? That everybody else's feelings on stuff matter but yours don't?
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That isn't... something I deserve.
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Why do you say that?
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And that's why I still think it's important to listen to everyone's thoughts and feelings. Otherwise it's just going to create even bigger problems.
[...] I'm going to tell you something, but you can't say anything to Yu-senpai. Okay?
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But he does look up slowly, still frowning.]
Okay.
closes eyes im so sorry
...I'm sure you know by now, but Yu-senpai and I met in that town I created for my wing last week. Inaba. He moved there to live with his uncle while his parents were overseas, and I moved there during my hiatus from my career. But the thing is there was something strange happening in our town. A string of murders started to occur, and people were dying. When Senpai arrived into town, he started learning about the murders. Yosuke-senpai, Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai were all in the same class as him, so they told him a little about Inaba and about this rumor called the Midnight Channel. They say that if you turn on the TV at midnight while it's raining, you'll see your soulmate.
That was fake. What you would see is a view into a place called the Shadow World, or the TV World. The real Midnight Channel was a place that people were kidnapped to, pushed inside a TV and falling into this other place. It's foggy in there, and people are safe for a while because the Shadows that live there won't attack until the fog's gone. When it clears up though, anybody inside will be killed.
It's possible to save them though. That's what our team started to do. A member of our team gave us these special glasses that we could use to see through the fog and navigate through the Midnight Channel. We'd have to find where they landed, and usually they were in a place that was designed based on their own Shadow. …a person's shadow self usually appeared on the TV before the person was thrown into the Midnight Channel. They would look exactly like the people who were kidnapped but…different. Shadow selves are created from negative emotions and feelings people keep to themselves, those thoughts that're repressed and what people will hide from other people and from themselves.
[Her grip on his hands tightens just a tiny bit. "As if that's even close to what you're really thinking, you little skank!" "I'm sick of being some airhead cliché who chokes down everything she's fed and takes it all with a smile!"]
The people who encountered their shadow selves would have to hear all kinds of horrible things…because they were the truth. And if they tried to deny them, the Shadow would reveal itself and kill that person. Luckily, we had a team that could go in and fight back and save people before they were killed. When a Shadow self was defeated, and accepted, it became something called a Persona…it's a manifestation of the heart and feelings, something that got turned into a strength even if it's the ugly and hard truth.
For a long time, we didn't know where the Midnight Channel came from or what was happening…we thought we caught the real killer and everything, too, even though we almost killed the wrong guy. But later, Senpai encountered a gas station attendant who told him everything. Izanami…a god who created the channel and spread the rumors in the first place. And because of that, and because our team was ahead and willing to rescue everyone, Izanami challenged us to one more fight.
In the Midnight Channel…I could usually sense where people were. I could feel their hearts and how unstable they felt, and it's what always led us to where they were hiding so we could rescue them. But Izanami didn't have that. She…didn't feel like anything. But she had been the one to give Yu-senpai his power, and the rest of us followed after him. She led us through this really long corridor, and we had to fight a lot of Shadows between each door.
She said that she selected three people to gift her power to; people who represented despair, emptiness, and hope. She said…that Senpai represented hope. And she was going to test his power.
"One had not the eyes to see things as they were, and failed to awaken to his power. One chose to avert his eyes from the truth, and allowed evil to taint his awakened power. But this one…he has come this far, yet he still yearns for the truth. He still fights." That's what she said. Yu-senpai's power had grown beyond the god's expectations.
She chose three to see what it was mankind wished for. She thought that mankind preferred hiding everything instead of facing the truth. So she created the TV world to bring in the fog. And try to bring it over us, too. It used to rain a lot in Inaba…and that was probably why.
She wanted to mess up our world and let the fog come, and let the Shadows be free. Destroy the world to return it to its void of origin or whatever, so that mankind didn't have a reason to run away from their feelings. But she was doing it all wrong. The Midnight Channel was, like…a window, I guess. It let us see what we were thinking of, the sides of ourselves we were trying to hide that other people wanted to see most. The victims were always people who were on TV, so it was like…people of interest. "The want to show, and the want to see." That's what she said.
She tried to say that you could only know a finite number of people in your lifetime, and that it was our own fault for seeing what we saw. None of us wanted to live in the world she was intending to create.
She didn't like that. And so we fought. And she transformed into her true self…Izanami-no-Okami. And she pulled us all straight to hell.
[…poor Sasuke, having to sit here and listen to this.]
…Senpai was strong though. He thought he lost all of us, but…we were right there with him. His feelings for us, the bonds we had all made by being honest with each other…it's what gave him the strength to get up one more time and for his own Persona to transform and take on the goddess. Even in her defeat, she tried to insist peace was living in blissful ignorance, but we wouldn't let her get away with it.
…our fate was our own to decide after that. But we were powerful enough to exceed her expectations, and the fog of that world disappeared. Everything was beautiful and clear, even with those messy emotions and fears.
And that's why, I think, everyone's feelings are important. It's dangerous to let people be alone and suppress what they're feeling, not only for other people but for themselves. Humanity is a really complicated thing, and emotions are even more complicated, but…they're the thing that gives you strength even in your weakest moments. Think of everything you've been fighting for both here and in your own world. Isn't it just because of how you feel about things? I know it's hard, but…everyone deserves it. No matter what. And you should never feel ashamed of forming those precious bonds, even if you think they won't matter. They will.
wow thank
Besides, he likes Yu, and hearing more about Yu and Love and their world... Well, there are some common themes that link them all together, he finds. So maybe listening isn't so bad after all, in the end.
Or maybe it is because... then he just has more clarity. The blinders get pulled back away, the tunnel-vision gets wider. The stumble and fall he took from one single set-back starts again to get realigned and adjusted.]
Hope, mm. [Sasuke can... see why Yu lacks a bit of self-preservation sometimes.] You should tell him.
[He still hasn't taken his hands away; he doesn't want to fight a losing battle. His eye lifts, dark but... soft.]
Your feelings. If you think they're so important, [this whole thing is two pots calling the other kettles black] you would be a hypocrite not to tell him how you feel. If I have to tell five people... Shouldn't you be able to handle one?
[He at least doesn't seem as biting as he could be when he's angry. It's... more of a tease, if anything, even if he doesn't sound entirely teasing.]
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...he knows I love him. And he says that he loves me. [There's a small, weird little thing that almost sounds like doubt in her voice but she's not going to focus on that.] Not that it matters because we both know he has to go back and I have to stay here. But...he thinks I'm dead, Sasuke. He thinks all of us are, and that's why...I can't be the one to take away his wish.
[Yu's fighting for a chance to save all of them. That's always been his wish, to save them from being pulled and destroyed in the pits of hell, to bring them back to the world, to defeat Izanami and face the truth with his own power. To tell him that everything turns out alright in the end...would that help, or would that hinder him? In truth, she's too scared to try. Not when he's already so fragile from this game.]
But I did tell him. When he came into this game, I fought for him harder than anyone else to make sure I was one of the three he would be able to choose. When he chose me, I knew I had to do what I could to watch over him. Even though...it hurts sometimes. To care about someone this much and knowing how it'll turn out. That doesn't mean it's not worth it though.
Senpai and I know our time's limited and that's why we're making the most of it. But to tell him the truth about that...he knows he's my hope. I've never lied to him about that.
[It's just the whole part of how everything turns out in the end.]
no subject
He doesn't like hearing... any of the worlds. He doesn't like hearing them because they resonate. Because he knows why Yu has stayed with her for as long as possible. Because he knows why Itachi chose her despite killing, despite saying untruthful things.
Really, he thought any tears he had left had dried up after losing his brother the first time. He hadn't cried since he was a child and, after his brother's death, he hadn't cried again either.
But now he cries. It isn't sobbing. It isn't a lot. Silent, with his head hung down and his shoulders bent over, his arms quivering. He has a very, very, very bad time with Love, sorry.]
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But she doesn't, because that would be counterproductive, so she settles for holding his hands and letting him cry. It's fine, nobody else is here. It's probably safer in here than out there anyway.
Normally she'd hug people but she's also not sure Sasuke's receptive to that right now, so this is a healthy compromise until she gets a better read.
And yet, all she can really think at the end of it is "finally."]
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Just... a lot of everything. It makes sense.]
...Sorry.
[Now he tries to draw at least one hand back so he can rub the back of his wrist over his face. But he won't lift his head...]
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It happens. ...feeling any better? [The real question is does Sasuke still want to mute literally everything. She's kind of hoping no, but it's his choice in the end.
On the other hand, she's using her free hand to fish out a package of tissues if he wants those instead of his wrist.]
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[At least he's honest. Turning his head, he gives it a shake dismissively at the offered tissue. It's fine. He got most of it off with his wrist and the back of his hand.]
I'm going to go.
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...I hope later...you'll forgive yourself and stop feeling stupid. [She shrugs a little.] You know how to find me if you need anything else.
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[There's a surprising amount of grace and talent when he goes from sitting to standing in one fluid motion. He wipes his face once with his arm and then clears his throat.
And then he just turns and leaves because, yeah, boys.]