[ she shrugs a bit, picking at one of the holes in her pants ]
Fortune wasn't ever going to win. It seemed better to just eliminate her from the competition. [ she'd say take off some dead weight, but, like, too soon? ] And Ray was the smartest person in this place. On top of that, everyone trusted him, and I'm pretty sure he was onto me. It wasn't anything personal.
You realize that's kind of the equivalent of kicking somebody while they're down, right? [i.e. so not fair?] Why didn't you go after Ruin then if that's the case?
[...] It's a little personal, given what else Ray was working on in this game. If you don't want to risk getting caught, don't do things that're going to cause trouble. [Somehow she still doesn't sound too judgmental, just tired.]
Are you seriously trying to guilt trip me when you guys are the ones who made that possible in the first place? And what, two other people trying to go after Ruin wasn't enough for you? [ the sarcasm aside-- ] There was the whole weird message going on that week, so I decided to wait and see what that was about instead. I was wrong about why Newt did it, but I was right that Ruin wound up dead anyway.
[ yikes! ]
"What he was working on"? What, a big happy ending for everyone involved?
I'm not guilt-tripping anybody, jeez! I'm just asking because I like to know where people are coming from! [Huff.] There's a difference between people killing with the thought they're doing it for a good reason and people doing it just because they're bored. Is there a problem with wanting to know where people fall on that scale?
[She frowns.] He was working on a way to balance the game to maximize the prize pool, yeah.
If I was killing people out of boredom, I wouldn't keep sedating them so they don't feel it.
[ but she doesn't disagree that love is allowed to want to know. still, the ray thing... ]
Wow. It's too bad you guys couldn't think of how to do it yourselves and had to rely on the twelve year old you invited over to deal with it in your own competition. [ catra don't be an asshole for two seconds challenge failed ]
I got that impression. [...there's a sigh.] I don't know, really. I guess I just wanted to understand and you explained yourself. I had a very similar conversation with someone else.
[That Zia also played. Zia stop having your characters frustrate Love by killing people.]
...Catra-san. What's your wish anyway? Has it changed since you got here? I guess I mean...why do you want to win so badly?
[ just wait until love finds out Itachi half did it as a gamble to get Sasuke some friends. The cat meanwhile just. stares. Her wish isn't anything big, like she knows some people have. And she doesn't care. She likes winning. More than that-- ]
What I want hasn't changed. But does it even matter what it is? Everyone here wants something badly enough that they're willing to go along with whatever happens here. Isn't that the whole reason everyone was chosen?
[ a beat ]
I guess I could ask why you want to win so badly you're willing to go along with this whole competition too.
More or less. We put out a call, you guys answered, we presented ourselves to you, you all agreed. That's sort of just how everything went.
[But that's not a question she's surprised by either.]
...did you know that if we didn't play this game, we couldn't be a part of the pantheon at all? Like not really. We wouldn't have a chance to have any say-so in the new world if we didn't participate. That's why all of us are here even if we don't agree with the methods.
I really want to win because I believe in my vision for the world. I want to make it a place that's better than the worlds a lot of us left behind. For everyone. Not just myself, or the people who are strong enough or whatever. [A pause.] Did he tell you what my plan is?
That sounds about right, too. Let me guess. He was like "she's very special to me and you should talk to her because you'll understand her better"? [She still sounds fond, but also Yu...]
...let me ask you something. Does it bother you to have to keep secrets? Not just here. But in general.
A little, yeah. [She shrugs again.] In the world Yu-senpai and I come from, people keeping secrets is what almost destroyed our whole world. All of the negative feelings people had from hiding themselves and their emotions ended up manifesting as this huge thing. [Vague? Sure, but it's just for the purpose of explaining.]
I think I just hate the idea of people having to do it because they have no other choice. I quit my career for a while because I didn't know who I was anymore. And I don't think it's fair for people to feel like they have to be a certain way in order for people to care about them.
[ something about that backstory makes her frown in confusion, but she doesn't ask for clarification.
and catra's not going to lie, that last part is something that does hit her right in the feelings. but. ]
It's other people who decide that. [ we live in a society ] People have... expectations, and wants, and if someone doesn't meet them? They just toss them aside.
And that right there is a lot of the problem I want to fix because I don't think that's fair at all. It's never been fair. It's like...in so many places, if you're not exactly what someone's looking for, you're easily replaced. And it's awful. No matter what you've been through with someone, you could be bumped down to second-best and that's not how people should have to live.
I want the world to be a place where people are valued for who they are and don't feel like they have to change. If people are accepted...I don't know. Maybe things like hurting other people or themselves wouldn't happen.
No, but I think it's a pretty great start and more likely to help than trying to do damage control halfway through. Plus I still stand by it's important for people to feel accepted either way. [She doesn't mind the fact Catra just called her vision naive, she's still firm in her decision.]
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[Bitch you killed her favorite person in the game. But she's curious.]
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Fortune wasn't ever going to win. It seemed better to just eliminate her from the competition. [ she'd say take off some dead weight, but, like, too soon? ] And Ray was the smartest person in this place. On top of that, everyone trusted him, and I'm pretty sure he was onto me. It wasn't anything personal.
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[...] It's a little personal, given what else Ray was working on in this game. If you don't want to risk getting caught, don't do things that're going to cause trouble. [Somehow she still doesn't sound too judgmental, just tired.]
But you're right. Everyone trusted him.
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Are you seriously trying to guilt trip me when you guys are the ones who made that possible in the first place? And what, two other people trying to go after Ruin wasn't enough for you? [ the sarcasm aside-- ] There was the whole weird message going on that week, so I decided to wait and see what that was about instead. I was wrong about why Newt did it, but I was right that Ruin wound up dead anyway.
[ yikes! ]
"What he was working on"? What, a big happy ending for everyone involved?
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[She frowns.] He was working on a way to balance the game to maximize the prize pool, yeah.
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[ but she doesn't disagree that love is allowed to want to know. still, the ray thing... ]
Wow. It's too bad you guys couldn't think of how to do it yourselves and had to rely on the twelve year old you invited over to deal with it in your own competition. [ catra don't be an asshole for two seconds challenge failed ]
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With the blank expression of her mask.
Boring into her soul.
Etc.]
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I'm sorry she's like this ]
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They're both stupid it's fine.]
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Is this the part where you curse me now? Or are you just going to keep staring.
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[:|]
Can we have an actual conversation now?
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What do you want me to say? I'm not sorry about either of them.
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[That Zia also played. Zia stop having your characters frustrate Love by killing people.]
...Catra-san. What's your wish anyway? Has it changed since you got here? I guess I mean...why do you want to win so badly?
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What I want hasn't changed. But does it even matter what it is? Everyone here wants something badly enough that they're willing to go along with whatever happens here. Isn't that the whole reason everyone was chosen?
[ a beat ]
I guess I could ask why you want to win so badly you're willing to go along with this whole competition too.
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[But that's not a question she's surprised by either.]
...did you know that if we didn't play this game, we couldn't be a part of the pantheon at all? Like not really. We wouldn't have a chance to have any say-so in the new world if we didn't participate. That's why all of us are here even if we don't agree with the methods.
I really want to win because I believe in my vision for the world. I want to make it a place that's better than the worlds a lot of us left behind. For everyone. Not just myself, or the people who are strong enough or whatever. [A pause.] Did he tell you what my plan is?
[He, of course, being Yu.]
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No. He probably wanted me to hear it directly from you or something dumb like that.
[ also catra didn't ask, but. y'know. little bit of column a, little bit of column b ]
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...let me ask you something. Does it bother you to have to keep secrets? Not just here. But in general.
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Yeah. That's pretty much it.
[ why is yu like that, etc. but. for her question... catra frowns a bit ]
... Not really. I've kind of always had to keep secrets. [ "i thought you didn't care about that stuff!" "well i was lying, OBVIOUSLY!"
she looks away ]
Does it bother you?
[ because with the mask, the game, everything-- she's stuck doing it, isn't she? ]
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I think I just hate the idea of people having to do it because they have no other choice. I quit my career for a while because I didn't know who I was anymore. And I don't think it's fair for people to feel like they have to be a certain way in order for people to care about them.
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and catra's not going to lie, that last part is something that does hit her right in the feelings. but. ]
It's other people who decide that. [ we live in a society ] People have... expectations, and wants, and if someone doesn't meet them? They just toss them aside.
[ a bit too bitter there buddy ]
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I want the world to be a place where people are valued for who they are and don't feel like they have to change. If people are accepted...I don't know. Maybe things like hurting other people or themselves wouldn't happen.
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Well, that's naive. [ blunt, yes, but calm. ] You really think all it takes for people to stop hurting or stop hurting others is to be accepted?
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Well, you're not wrong about that. But I don't know. I don't think a world like that sounds... real.
[ catra is a pessimist and everyone is absolutely shocked ]
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