[he's going to let tamaki read them! except] Not the second one from Ray-kun, please. That's for me only.
[and he's just going to keep rattling off facts because even if they had a perfectly fine slumber party the night before, things sure aren't fine now]
... I haven't stopped looking for who hurt Ray-kun. I didn't want to stop. I can't forgive them. I won't forgive them. [and tears might well up in his eye, but he blinks them away] So I told Ishirin-san and Sasuke everything I knew that could give them a hint. Ambition, the people in Ambition, Disorder, the switches.
... and they... And it disappointed Cheri but... If they hurt Ray-kun, what would stop them from hurting more people? People who just want to help?
[even more of his friends?]
But they got it right. Ray-kun's letters - the one he sent me, and them, I think they got it all... right.
But now there's just... The only other person who's hurt someone is Connor-san, but what happened to Bart-kun was an accident. I believe that! I don't think he'd hurt anyone...!!
So - what do I... Who do I...
[his shoulders slump]
I wanted all the answers but now that I have them... what do I do....
[He reads! He's reading, taking this all in as Senri speaks but one hand comes up to pull him closer and try to calm him a little as he scans each letter.]
...take a breath. Now that this has happened...what were you planning for when you initially started to find the answers?
... I wanted to find who hurt Ray-kun. [and he'll move with tamak's touch, leaning in and blinking rapidly as he does because he's cried so much lately, he's cried so often that he can't handle the idea of crying even more] I wasn't sure what I was going to do after, besides tell other people who wanted to know. Maybe that was reckless, and stupid, but I...
[his brow furrows and he ducks his head to hide his expression]
Someone hurt my friend. My friend who was trying to help everyone, who did so much during trials to try to find the right people. Who would hurt him? I thought - if they were going to hurt him, what was stopping them from hurting other people?
I thought the same thing about who hurt Bart-kun, who was harmless, until I found out that it was Connor-san. Then I could relax, because it was an accident.
... Ishirin-san and Sasuke decided they were going to move ahead - they didn't ask me. But I still didn't... I couldn't stop them, I didn't try hard enough... Even though I understood how angry they were, so... would I have even been able to be convincing enough....?
[It's fine, he'll just hold him with one arm and pet the back of his hair while looking at the letters still.]
...the trouble with a competition like this, especially this late in the game, is that anyone who's hurt will have been a friend of someone else. What Ray-kun did for this game was extraordinary. It's hardly a surprise he drew such attention.
When people are angry, and focused, I imagine it's incredibly hard to change their minds. I don't know if you could have stopped Ishikirimaru-san and Sasuke-kun. They were actions driven by anger, and this is precisely the reason I opposed to the idea of a killing game in the first place. It's a cause of poor judgment on everyone's part.
But now...it's hard, isn't it? Wanting to give so many people closure, but knowing that there's a bigger task at hand. Do you suppose the people who were friends with those two girls will listen to reason as to why it's happened?
No - because you don't listen to anything when it's someone who's close to you. If something happened to you, or to Taka, or Ishirin-san... I'd still be angry, at first. But the difference is... I didn't know them well enough to be able to let go of my anger. Not yet, anyway. Because I don't know why they hurt Ray-kun, and maybe even if I didn't, I don't think I'd be able to forgive them.
[he can't forgive Guy, after all. even if he also doesn't hate him as much as everyone else]
... but I think it'd make me mad, to hear people say they were innocent. I know that they were kind to people, so they couldn't have been completely bad, but they still -
[hurt someone, for reasons that senri doesn't know, and he can't let go. not until he gets an answer, and he doesn't think that he'll get one yet.]
I... don't know what to do, Tamaki...
[he doesn't know how to be better than what he is.]
...neither do I. [Which is the unfortunate part, but he continues what he's doing to try and navigate the conversation.] It's difficult to move forward when it's something like this. When an answer is just within reach, but you can't quite grasp it. Do you continue doing whatever it takes to accomplish it? Or do you bide your time to make sure your answer will be satisfactory?
Please hear out others first. Give them a chance to speak and grieve...and then present them with the truth. I believe it may be easier to process after that point.
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no subject
[and he's just going to keep rattling off facts because even if they had a perfectly fine slumber party the night before, things sure aren't fine now]
... I haven't stopped looking for who hurt Ray-kun. I didn't want to stop. I can't forgive them. I won't forgive them. [and tears might well up in his eye, but he blinks them away] So I told Ishirin-san and Sasuke everything I knew that could give them a hint. Ambition, the people in Ambition, Disorder, the switches.
... and they... And it disappointed Cheri but... If they hurt Ray-kun, what would stop them from hurting more people? People who just want to help?
[even more of his friends?]
But they got it right. Ray-kun's letters - the one he sent me, and them, I think they got it all... right.
But now there's just... The only other person who's hurt someone is Connor-san, but what happened to Bart-kun was an accident. I believe that! I don't think he'd hurt anyone...!!
So - what do I... Who do I...
[his shoulders slump]
I wanted all the answers but now that I have them... what do I do....
no subject
...take a breath. Now that this has happened...what were you planning for when you initially started to find the answers?
no subject
[his brow furrows and he ducks his head to hide his expression]
Someone hurt my friend. My friend who was trying to help everyone, who did so much during trials to try to find the right people. Who would hurt him? I thought - if they were going to hurt him, what was stopping them from hurting other people?
I thought the same thing about who hurt Bart-kun, who was harmless, until I found out that it was Connor-san. Then I could relax, because it was an accident.
... Ishirin-san and Sasuke decided they were going to move ahead - they didn't ask me. But I still didn't... I couldn't stop them, I didn't try hard enough... Even though I understood how angry they were, so... would I have even been able to be convincing enough....?
no subject
...the trouble with a competition like this, especially this late in the game, is that anyone who's hurt will have been a friend of someone else. What Ray-kun did for this game was extraordinary. It's hardly a surprise he drew such attention.
When people are angry, and focused, I imagine it's incredibly hard to change their minds. I don't know if you could have stopped Ishikirimaru-san and Sasuke-kun. They were actions driven by anger, and this is precisely the reason I opposed to the idea of a killing game in the first place. It's a cause of poor judgment on everyone's part.
But now...it's hard, isn't it? Wanting to give so many people closure, but knowing that there's a bigger task at hand. Do you suppose the people who were friends with those two girls will listen to reason as to why it's happened?
[Not judgmental, but genuinely wondering here.]
no subject
No - because you don't listen to anything when it's someone who's close to you. If something happened to you, or to Taka, or Ishirin-san... I'd still be angry, at first. But the difference is... I didn't know them well enough to be able to let go of my anger. Not yet, anyway. Because I don't know why they hurt Ray-kun, and maybe even if I didn't, I don't think I'd be able to forgive them.
[he can't forgive Guy, after all. even if he also doesn't hate him as much as everyone else]
... but I think it'd make me mad, to hear people say they were innocent. I know that they were kind to people, so they couldn't have been completely bad, but they still -
[hurt someone, for reasons that senri doesn't know, and he can't let go. not until he gets an answer, and he doesn't think that he'll get one yet.]
I... don't know what to do, Tamaki...
[he doesn't know how to be better than what he is.]
no subject
Please hear out others first. Give them a chance to speak and grieve...and then present them with the truth. I believe it may be easier to process after that point.