divus | GODLY AUDIENCES: SENRI

[senri listens - and he tenses at the mention of a girl as young as seven dying. he thinks of yuma's sister. he thinks of mari, and how sweet she was when she came to visit the school. if someone like her ended up getting in a situation like that, if she ended up dying - would he be able to know any better than trying to get revenge? he doesn't know. maybe before, he would've been too afraid to get involved, under the impression that that was someone else's problem but not that he's here.

his gut instinct is to say that whoever hurt her should pay for it -

and that's when it clicks.

that something in this game has changed him, and he almost stops breathing. because he knows that everyone will come back, and that means that he didn't care if someone got hurt when they hurt one of his friends. and when he realizes that, he looks up, surprised at himself and - ashamed.]

.... sorry -

You... You shouldn't have had to spell that out for me. I shouldn't have....

[been so stupid, and careless, with other people's friends]

... I'm so sorry, Rise-chan.

[...she's just going to scoot closer and offer him a hand. Senri do you need a hug. Would that help? But at the same time she's kind of glad he's calming down and really thinking it through. That night in the hospital was one of the scariest, all of them panicked and angry...she hates that it's come to this here, too.]

It's okay. It's okay, it's...a really tough situation. It's hard, sometimes, to really think these kind of things through if you don't take the time to slow down. It feels like everything's so rushed here. How do we even get that time? [She frowns.] This stupid game...

[senri takes the hand - it's a slow, tentative motion as if he's not even sure that he deserves it but. he takes it because at the end, he's selfish and will take any comfort that's offered to him. he breathes out quietly at her words and shakes his head as if that'll clear it]

It's - No, you're right... but I still shouldn't have...

It feels weird - to know that I... had to adapt in order to keep going. Otherwise I... I might've lost it that first week when Shiks...

But that doesn't make it okay. Thank you, for helping to make sure that I didn't lose sight of myself.

[She holds his hand in both of hers, something safe and coveted as she listens.]

Adapting is the only way we're gonna get anywhere, even if it's scary and hard to do. Especially when you're losing friends and you know the answer to who hurt them...but we have to do this the right way. And I trust you to know what that is.

... yeah.

[and he just laughs softly - it's not a happy noise. it's a tired, but relieved one]

I'll... I'll be careful, and try to make sure that things don't get too out of hand. I'll do everything I can to make sure that I don't lose the people that I'm afraid to lose.

Good. You're not alone, so remember that. If you're still scared...talk to Taka-kun, or Sasuke, or even me. We're here even if it sounds like it might be difficult, or a difference in opinion.

["We care about you" goes unsaid.]

.... yeah, I will.

[and he sighs]

I'll work on it. Being.. a little less scared, so I don't get in anyone's way.

Try to stop thinking like that, too. You're not going to be in anyone's way. But I get it. [...] I was the non-combatant for my team, too. I used to worry about the same thing.

... right...?

[he pouts a little]

I guess... well, I know that I have to be protected. But if I'm going to have to be protected, I might as well do it in a way where it's less cumbersome for everyone else...?

Maybe. What are your ideas so far in that case?

Well, we've been hiding away in gods' rooms, so even if you can't protect us, it'd at least make us a little harder to find...

[so that's something]

I try not to attract... well more attention than I need to, at least.

[hm]

Which is smart. Have you found everyone's yet? There's still a lot of us. And no offense, Senri, but...you sort of attract a lot of attention everywhere you go. Even without meaning to.

We've been switching between Beauty and Cheri. I kind of feel bad breaking into rooms? And I super can't ask to see girls' rooms - that's rude.

[senri,,]

... that would've been a compliment back home but I don't know about here, Rise-chan....

I already told you you could use mine. It's not like I've been using it lately anyway.

...but I get it. All of that. It's harder when all eyes are on you and not in a good way.

Ah, you've been staying with Yu-kun...? Mm... even then. It doesn't feel right to me to intrude on a girl's room. Cheri and Beauty don't mind having us anyway.

... but... yeah. I try to at least make sure the attention is used well but... I don't like causing trouble for my friends either.

Yeah. But okay, okay...just make sure that the people who know how to get into those rooms is limited. Even if we can't stop...anything...it might help.

What kind of trouble do you think you've been causing lately?

Yeah - I haven't told anyone besides the people who come with me.

[and apparently sasuke still doesn't remember how to play twinkle twinkle little star]

... I don't really want to say 'the usual' but.... I found out about the brooch that Ray-kun gave me too, and I'm still pretty upset over that, even though Taka agreed to take it from me last night.

I see...can I ask why it's upsetting? I just want to make sure we're on the same page.

... because he and Taka both hid what it was meant to do for me, because they wanted to protect me before themselves, even though they do a lot more dangerous stuff than I do.

You would've given it back to them if you knew, wouldn't you? To protect them. Because they're the ones who really need it.

[She's guessing based off of what she herself would do.]

Of course... They're the ones who went on Merriment. Taka doesn't even have combat experience. I know that he wouldn't let anything happen to me if he was awake - same with Ray-kun. So... why give it to me?

Because you're protecting them with Battle Armor, but who else would be protecting you? That's the only logic I can see here. Plus if they're together and you're alone...

They'd be protecting me - somehow. If they're awake anyway, they wouldn't let anything happen to me. I believe in that.

I believe it, too. But at the same time I think I get it.

...is this because of what happened with Ray?

.... yeah. In general too, though.

It's hard - going to bed every Thursday, and knowing that they can be doing somewhere where I don't have a chance of protecting or helping them.

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divus - 2019-04-08 02:07 (UTC) - Expand