[She pulls out a carton of ice cream and sniffs as she heads back to her spot on the counter and finds a spoon. It's easier to be angry than to be scared!]
That's just all there is to it. My follower is a mystery, my image gets worse by the week no matter how hard I try to fix it, and I can't depend on anyone. I've never been able to depend on anyone, so I don't know why I ever expected this to be different. So--stupid.
Even if they know that, it doesn't mean anything's going to be different next week.
[She pulls off her mask and tosses it across the counter. Just, like, fuck it, honestly. She wants ice cream.]
I'd been relieved when someone defected to me. I would've been at one last week otherwise. But now it's just going to happen anyway after it turns out the person I thought was willing to take a chance on me actually just wanted to use me as a platform to go on a killing spree.
To me, preferably, since you know I won't tell anyone. I just get super worried when you keep all your anger pent up. You said it yourself that you get a little out of hand.
That's why I made a hall full of mirrors. If I get too angry I just smash some of them.
[She clenches and unclenches her fists.]
I don't have anything else to vent about. I don't want to waste my time thinking about someone who doesn't matter when I'd rather spend it on good, decent people. But, like, none of them even listen to me so what do I expect from that, either?
Look me in the eye and tell me you honestly believe it would make a difference. Because if you really think you're the only one who I've chased down before just to get them to talk to me and listen? You're kidding yourself. I'm tired of humiliating myself. Wouldn't you be?
I'm not begging them to help me. Don't you think it's a little telling the way that Ambition reacted when she thought Cunning would be down to one follower versus the way she reacted about the same possibility for me?
[She stabs at the ice cream.]
I'm not blind. I love them both, and I don't doubt that they love me, too, but it's not...the same. There's a hierarchy, there always is. I'm not going to wake up with five followers and nobody is crying for me.
I've barely stopped planning since the minute this game started. My plans aren't working. I'm totally out of ideas. Apologizing about mistakes I've made? Nothing. Making up with Sincerity? Nothing. Networking? Nothing, nothing, nothing.
[She takes a minute to have more ice cream.]
Don't get me wrong, I, like, am glad I did those things either way. It felt...nice. To be nice, I mean. But that hasn't changed that I keep sliding farther and farther backward.
[ . . . and senri takes a second to think about that as he also takes a bite of ice cream.]
.... you've done well, Dizzy. I know you're trying your hardest. I hope you keep trying, because I think... well, you've at least made me and Cheri happy by getting around to being nicer.
Even if it doesn't look bright right now, I think it'll pay off in the long run - like, the long, long run where you all have to rule a world together.
Don't beat yourself up; I'm tougher than a lot of people. But maybe it's because I've already had a near-death experience. It's almost like, whatever, you know?
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[She pulls out a carton of ice cream and sniffs as she heads back to her spot on the counter and finds a spoon. It's easier to be angry than to be scared!]
That's just all there is to it. My follower is a mystery, my image gets worse by the week no matter how hard I try to fix it, and I can't depend on anyone. I've never been able to depend on anyone, so I don't know why I ever expected this to be different. So--stupid.
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[he winces a little bit even as he goes to sit with her]
People don't hate you, you know... But Newt did some pretty wild things. But that's not your fault. I know that. I think a lot of people know that.
It's not your fault. Nothing's wrong with you.
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[She pulls off her mask and tosses it across the counter. Just, like, fuck it, honestly. She wants ice cream.]
I'd been relieved when someone defected to me. I would've been at one last week otherwise. But now it's just going to happen anyway after it turns out the person I thought was willing to take a chance on me actually just wanted to use me as a platform to go on a killing spree.
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I do hate him.
I hate him a whooooole lot. I don't think you can be blamed for that.
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Hating him doesn't change anything! He's going to die on Monday!
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[GOD,,]
To me, preferably, since you know I won't tell anyone. I just get super worried when you keep all your anger pent up. You said it yourself that you get a little out of hand.
Remember what your therapist said.
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[She clenches and unclenches her fists.]
I don't have anything else to vent about. I don't want to waste my time thinking about someone who doesn't matter when I'd rather spend it on good, decent people. But, like, none of them even listen to me so what do I expect from that, either?
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senri will gently scoot her spoon back over to her]
I'm listening...!
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[She's just gonna eat a massive spoonful of that ice cream now.]
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[SUNDAY IS JUST
DISORDER APPEARING IN FRONT OF EVERYONE]
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[pouts]
Can't get Cunning or Bambi to make appeals on your behalf?
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[She stabs at the ice cream.]
I'm not blind. I love them both, and I don't doubt that they love me, too, but it's not...the same. There's a hierarchy, there always is. I'm not going to wake up with five followers and nobody is crying for me.
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[frowns....]
... I'll cry for you - well, maybe not actually, because that might get people to think that you cursed me or something.
But I'm gonna try and see who I can get, Dizzy.
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[She shoves the ice cream carton away and pinches the bridge of her nose, eyes closing.]
You're wasting your time. Just have fun partying with Sincerity and Beauty, instead.
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[he frowns]
Don't try to push me away when I'm trying to be here for you. Guilt tripping isn't nice.
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Oh, come on. I'm not pushing you away and I'm not guilt tripping you. I'm being realistic.
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[though he'll shake his head and get up to get a spoon so that he can share ice cream with her]
We can try to brainstorm ways to make it better? Would that help?
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[She puts her hand against her cheek as she watches him get his spoon.]
Brainstorm what? Ways to not follow in Ruin's footsteps?
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[THEY'RE TOTALLY JUST LIKE THIS,, it's fine to speak rude bitch]
Sure. You've got time. You don't want to vent? Let's plan instead. Your pick on what we do.
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[She takes a minute to have more ice cream.]
Don't get me wrong, I, like, am glad I did those things either way. It felt...nice. To be nice, I mean. But that hasn't changed that I keep sliding farther and farther backward.
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.... you've done well, Dizzy. I know you're trying your hardest. I hope you keep trying, because I think... well, you've at least made me and Cheri happy by getting around to being nicer.
Even if it doesn't look bright right now, I think it'll pay off in the long run - like, the long, long run where you all have to rule a world together.
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... Dizzy's way tougher than me... That's a pretty scary thing to think about, you know?
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[...]
I am scared, though. Seriously.
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