[It's hard to be enthusiastic or chipper or much of anything to answer an audience. The loss is painful, and she considers saying no.
...but Senri probably needs comfort and closure, too. So she waits for him inside the tofu shop and has the bowl and spoons on the counter. There's two stools for them, and the door closes behind him as he enters. Konkon yips from his place on the floor with his berries, greedily eating and hoarding them. He's worked hard today, too.
As for herself, it's a little too easy to see she's been crying even if she gives him a soft smile instead.]
...he used to come see me on Fridays. To talk about trial plans, or what he'd plan to do. I know he probably didn't think I was really that smart or anything, but he was always so sure of himself.
...funny how people change us like that, huh? [It's fine, she's 100% ready to cry again so this is acceptable.]
[no it's not, he's also 100% ready to cry, it's okay they can match]
... You gave him a place where he could be really honest. I've felt it too - if the gods already know everything about us, why bother hiding how we really are? I think... for Ray-kun especially, it was good to have people who knew all of that, so he didn't have to pretend.
I never thanked you enough for that - [and he gets a little choked up, and shakes his head] - and I wanted... to let you know.
I think... if I can make it to the end, I want to take his wish as my own.
I showed myself to him at the beginning of your third week here with us. I told him I wanted to be completely honest with him so that he'd be completely honest with me. For a very long time, he was the only one to know anything about me and who I was before the ascension. I want to think that helped, but you know him. He's very independent.
[Was. And that's what the problem was.]
...and you know he would tell you not to. That's the thing. [She sniffs a little, but she thinks that over.] ...he really trusts you. Even if he didn't say it out loud all the time. If anyone could get him to agree with something like that, it'd be you.
He's so independent! [and senri exclaims that with a laugh but - a tear rolls down his cheek anyway] He'd tell us things and then tell us not to worry in the same breath! He'd be aware of all the dangers of what he was doing, and... never even looked back, if it meant he could just....
[his mouth is in the shape of a grin as he emits a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob, but he'll bring a hand up to his cheek to wipe at the tear]
He'd be... so mad. He told me what it was - his wish. Right before he....
.... but I get a chance at mine back home, you know? With Shishimaru. I can still... and if it's the two of us, we can do it.
I'd rather make sure Ray-kun gets to be safe, back home.
Someone came to me with concerns about him, but considering he shot Oda-san in the leg last week it was hard not to see he knew what he was doing. But still...you couldn't help but worry about him, you know?
He was willing to risk everything to try and keep people safe. And that's...really admirable. I don't know how he could do it, or how Takaomi-kun and Ishikirimaru-san do it. [There's a smile though this time.] ...people like him are the reason I want to win so badly. I still want to be the head of the pantheon, but your wishes are so important...there are so many worlds out there with so many problems to be fixed. And that's why I ascended in the first place. I wanted to help people. Especially people like him.
Your followers are all incredibly loyal to you, and want you to win so badly. I get why. [ . . . ] I like so many of you, it's... It's so hard just to pick one.
... I got it. It was... hard to read.
Even though he told me as much in person, I just...
Thanks...I wish more people could agree, but I think some of you are still really angry at us for this game. I don't blame you guys though.
...my followers are loyal and that's why I'm worried about something happening to them. You...I don't know if Ray told you, but he never left on his own willingly. None of them have. I'm afraid of someone from Ambition's team finding them all and scattering them. I think they'd try to stick together, but I worry some of the other gods might not win either to grant their wishes.
You've been talking to all of us a lot. It's going to be a hard decision for all of you, I think. [She frowns.] It just makes it more of a reality that it happened. I wanted you to know right away, but it's still hard to hear.
[senri laughs, a little sheepishly, and a little painfully]
Ray-kun... Ah, I'm realizing that he really didn't tell me everything... but... He told me that. He told me - but he put himself down for saying that he also never managed to recruit anyone to your team. But... I'll keep an eye on all of them for him. Before anything else, I just... don't want a god's number to drop to zero. That's all.
... yeah. You're right. It's... Ah, I have to move forward, instead of thinking about what I could've done better in a time that already passed. That's all.
I figured that bothered him, but he did a lot just by staying with me. He talked to me pretty much every step of the way. Even when he went to two other gods, he still came to talk to me and see me and update me on what he was doing.
It's sweet of you to be so worried about all of us. Are you going to check with everyone again to make sure we're balanced enough? It's a lot of work for one person. [A beat.] Moving forward is all we can do right now, but I think it's okay to take a little time to ourselves, too. Just saying.
Saturday is a hard day for Advancement Opportunity - and it gives me limited time to work on Sunday, but that's why I have to do it. I'm... Well, I'm learning to split my work now, at least.
Connor-san seems nice enough, I think. Objective enough, too. ...but if you work with Nonon-san, just be kind to her, okay? She doesn't trust people very easily. It means a lot when she does trust, but I'm sure you have enough experience by now.
[...] I want to make sure nothing ever happens to her. Any of you, of course, but she's under my care right now.
... yeah, I think I'm getting the idea of that too. So I'll be careful - I don't want her to think I'm misleading her. She's someone that Ray-kun trusted, so I think I can let down my guard a little...
I want to deceive only the people I'm meant to deceive, moving forward. So I can still protect the people I'm supposed to.
...she's one of the people I trust a lot, too, if it helps. She doesn't hold back on very much.
I think that's a good plan though. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that kind of mentality if it means helping you survive and build a network of people around you.
Mm-hmm. I think it does. You and the rest of the gods - I know that you can't see our conversations with all of you, but a lot of you have good heads on your shoulders.
I need... more help like that now than ever, I think.
... yeah. [and senri smiles] It's... It makes me really happy, honestly.
But... I guess now I'm trying to figure out the limitations of what the gods can do - how much we can get out of this game, and how to make as many people happy as possible.
It's a tough job. I don't even know if we know all of our limitations. We're still sort of learning just like you guys, and yes, I get it, that's not reassuring but it was either try to fix it now or just let the world be damaged while we sorted things amongst ourselves.
I have hope still that this was the better choice.
No, I think... it makes sense. I don't... I mean, I'm still unhappy about how the game is being played. The murder, and hurting people... It's way too much for me.
But I get why you chose to do it this way - by inviting other people to help.
I just... don't like the idea of anyone going home empty-handed, after all this.
I know. I'm not happy about it either, even though it's technically just as much my fault as the other's...[Sigh.]
It's been helpful having objective parties talk to us, I think. It's still not fair and it's why I really hope we can reward you guys any way we can, but...it's still a competition. There has to be tiers of prizes, I think, to keep the game going. But if we can have enough power to at least do something small that'd be best.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
WEEK 5, SATURDAY
...but Senri probably needs comfort and closure, too. So she waits for him inside the tofu shop and has the bowl and spoons on the counter. There's two stools for them, and the door closes behind him as he enters. Konkon yips from his place on the floor with his berries, greedily eating and hoarding them. He's worked hard today, too.
As for herself, it's a little too easy to see she's been crying even if she gives him a soft smile instead.]
Hey. I've got a seat just for you.
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Thanks.
.... I'm sorry - that I still didn't get to figure it all out. But I'm still working hard at it, so....
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[She's not at all angry they didn't figure it out. When she speaks again, her voice is slightly quieter.] ...it felt really weird without him today.
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nodding. he aims for a smile, but it wobbles]
... no one hit me or called me an idiot even once.
I never... I never thought I'd miss it so much.
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...funny how people change us like that, huh? [It's fine, she's 100% ready to cry again so this is acceptable.]
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[no it's not, he's also 100% ready to cry, it's okay they can match]
... You gave him a place where he could be really honest. I've felt it too - if the gods already know everything about us, why bother hiding how we really are? I think... for Ray-kun especially, it was good to have people who knew all of that, so he didn't have to pretend.
I never thanked you enough for that - [and he gets a little choked up, and shakes his head] - and I wanted... to let you know.
I think... if I can make it to the end, I want to take his wish as my own.
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I showed myself to him at the beginning of your third week here with us. I told him I wanted to be completely honest with him so that he'd be completely honest with me. For a very long time, he was the only one to know anything about me and who I was before the ascension. I want to think that helped, but you know him. He's very independent.
[Was. And that's what the problem was.]
...and you know he would tell you not to. That's the thing. [She sniffs a little, but she thinks that over.] ...he really trusts you. Even if he didn't say it out loud all the time. If anyone could get him to agree with something like that, it'd be you.
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[his mouth is in the shape of a grin as he emits a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob, but he'll bring a hand up to his cheek to wipe at the tear]
He'd be... so mad. He told me what it was - his wish. Right before he....
.... but I get a chance at mine back home, you know? With Shishimaru. I can still... and if it's the two of us, we can do it.
I'd rather make sure Ray-kun gets to be safe, back home.
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He was willing to risk everything to try and keep people safe. And that's...really admirable. I don't know how he could do it, or how Takaomi-kun and Ishikirimaru-san do it. [There's a smile though this time.] ...people like him are the reason I want to win so badly. I still want to be the head of the pantheon, but your wishes are so important...there are so many worlds out there with so many problems to be fixed. And that's why I ascended in the first place. I wanted to help people. Especially people like him.
[...] Did you get my letter?
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Your followers are all incredibly loyal to you, and want you to win so badly. I get why. [ . . . ] I like so many of you, it's... It's so hard just to pick one.
... I got it. It was... hard to read.
Even though he told me as much in person, I just...
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...my followers are loyal and that's why I'm worried about something happening to them. You...I don't know if Ray told you, but he never left on his own willingly. None of them have. I'm afraid of someone from Ambition's team finding them all and scattering them. I think they'd try to stick together, but I worry some of the other gods might not win either to grant their wishes.
You've been talking to all of us a lot. It's going to be a hard decision for all of you, I think. [She frowns.] It just makes it more of a reality that it happened. I wanted you to know right away, but it's still hard to hear.
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[senri laughs, a little sheepishly, and a little painfully]
Ray-kun... Ah, I'm realizing that he really didn't tell me everything... but... He told me that. He told me - but he put himself down for saying that he also never managed to recruit anyone to your team. But... I'll keep an eye on all of them for him. Before anything else, I just... don't want a god's number to drop to zero. That's all.
... yeah. You're right. It's... Ah, I have to move forward, instead of thinking about what I could've done better in a time that already passed. That's all.
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It's sweet of you to be so worried about all of us. Are you going to check with everyone again to make sure we're balanced enough? It's a lot of work for one person. [A beat.] Moving forward is all we can do right now, but I think it's okay to take a little time to ourselves, too. Just saying.
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Saturday is a hard day for Advancement Opportunity - and it gives me limited time to work on Sunday, but that's why I have to do it. I'm... Well, I'm learning to split my work now, at least.
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I think maybe that's the only reason the trial managed to get as far as it did today.
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But... I'm going to see if Nonon-san wants to work with me more, too. Connor-san.
People that Ray-kun was in touch with more than I was.... but I'll make up for that now.
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[...] I want to make sure nothing ever happens to her. Any of you, of course, but she's under my care right now.
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... yeah, I think I'm getting the idea of that too. So I'll be careful - I don't want her to think I'm misleading her. She's someone that Ray-kun trusted, so I think I can let down my guard a little...
I want to deceive only the people I'm meant to deceive, moving forward. So I can still protect the people I'm supposed to.
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I think that's a good plan though. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that kind of mentality if it means helping you survive and build a network of people around you.
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I need... more help like that now than ever, I think.
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...you see it, too, don't you, Senri-kun? The changes that're happening to us. We're learning from you guys whether we want to or not.
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But... I guess now I'm trying to figure out the limitations of what the gods can do - how much we can get out of this game, and how to make as many people happy as possible.
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I have hope still that this was the better choice.
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No, I think... it makes sense. I don't... I mean, I'm still unhappy about how the game is being played. The murder, and hurting people... It's way too much for me.
But I get why you chose to do it this way - by inviting other people to help.
I just... don't like the idea of anyone going home empty-handed, after all this.
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It's been helpful having objective parties talk to us, I think. It's still not fair and it's why I really hope we can reward you guys any way we can, but...it's still a competition. There has to be tiers of prizes, I think, to keep the game going. But if we can have enough power to at least do something small that'd be best.
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