You think so? [She laughs, a little embarrassed but really pleased all the same.] It's what I've always wanted since we started even if there's more to it than that. That's the basic idea though.
You can tell me more about it if you want - the basic idea might be all I have time for in my first pitch, but if we're starting a discussion after, I'm more than happy to share whatever I learn.
It's... hard, you know? To figure out how to choose between a lot of worlds that sound really good.
It might help, or it might not be necessary. But I don't mine telling people anyway. It's really hard, even for us! That's part of why this whole thing blew up the way it did. We couldn't pick just one thing.
...Senri, can I ask you something? Do you know who you really are?
[there's no point in hiding things from gods, really.]
Are you kidding, Rise-chan...? You know a lot of my default reaction to things is pretty rude? I wouldn't like me. It's why Taka and I didn't get along in the beginning, because he'd say whatever he wanted even if it made other people upset. He's hurt my friends' feelings before, and it made me super mad.
... but I'm not like Taka. I don't really have redeeming qualities that would make up for me being mean.
I'd rather people be happy anyway, so I just always gave them the version of myself they'd like the most.
Yeah, Taka-kun can be pretty rude. [She's hit him with more than enough shoes...] But I don't know about that. You're a very distinct personality, I think, even if you don't see it.
But that means....that version changed depending on who you were talking to at any time, right? You had to be whoever they wanted you to be and do what they wanted you to do. Right?
.... I mean - sure. But that what a choice that I made, in order to get along with them. So that I could always make them happy... I thought that was always the most important thing.
[admittedly even now, he's running himself ragged for the sake of other people's happiness]
I think that I'd rather have positive relationships with people than be myself - or at least try to get myself to be a type of person that others might like.
I guess so...but it can be pretty lonely to just be the person everybody wants you to be instead of being yourself and letting people like you for you. For the longest time, people didn't want to be friends with me. They wanted to be friends with Risette the idol. And that's who I gave them even though it never solved anything I thought being an idol would fix.
Who says you can't have positive relationships and be yourself?
Mm... it's not that bad - or... I thought that, before I came here. I felt a little lonely, every now and then. No one really knew me, and if they did then they decided they didn't like me - like Shishimaru did.
[ . . . ]
But it's different now - and he came around... so I guess... it's possible. I don't know if I'm brave enough to try it back home yet, because I can't risk failing....
One step at a time. It's scary, especially if people have expectations...Yosuke-senpai saw me as Risette for a really long time, but he was cute about it and eventually got over it. Yu-senpai...always just saw me as me. It was because of him, I think, that everyone else started to accept me, too.
Maybe Taka-kun would be that person for you, too. Someone who knows all sides of you and supports you anyway.
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It's... hard, you know? To figure out how to choose between a lot of worlds that sound really good.
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...Senri, can I ask you something? Do you know who you really are?
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.... Yeah, but I can't say I'm a giant fan.
I've been pretty aware of who I am for a while - that's why I spent so long trying to be someone else, or someone people liked more.
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Why did you think people wouldn't like you for you?
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Are you kidding, Rise-chan...? You know a lot of my default reaction to things is pretty rude? I wouldn't like me. It's why Taka and I didn't get along in the beginning, because he'd say whatever he wanted even if it made other people upset. He's hurt my friends' feelings before, and it made me super mad.
... but I'm not like Taka. I don't really have redeeming qualities that would make up for me being mean.
I'd rather people be happy anyway, so I just always gave them the version of myself they'd like the most.
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But that means....that version changed depending on who you were talking to at any time, right? You had to be whoever they wanted you to be and do what they wanted you to do. Right?
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[admittedly even now, he's running himself ragged for the sake of other people's happiness]
I think that I'd rather have positive relationships with people than be myself - or at least try to get myself to be a type of person that others might like.
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Who says you can't have positive relationships and be yourself?
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[ . . . ]
But it's different now - and he came around... so I guess... it's possible. I don't know if I'm brave enough to try it back home yet, because I can't risk failing....
I can try though. Slowly but surely, I can try.
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Maybe Taka-kun would be that person for you, too. Someone who knows all sides of you and supports you anyway.
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[that much is something that he can agree to, easily
he might have it pretty fucking bad]
So... well, I'll... try.
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Sooo...Thursday. Are you feeling a little more prepared now?
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Hope it'll be a fun show.
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