I learn what I can - Western and Japanese flower languages differ already, which keeps me on my toes.
[but he'll still just run a hand through his hair if only to give his hand something to do]
... yeah, tell me about it. Connor-san to try to approach things calmly, but I guess my idea of calm is just not trying to hit anyone. Still.. you didn't deserve that. If I was looking for answers, I could've cooled off first.
You have plenty of time to learn, so please don't be too harsh on yourself. The fact that you feel these things at all, it's a testament to how deeply you care.
Mm, that's true... I guess I did have one more thing to talk about, though.
[senri tilts his head]
... I'm really glad that no one got hurt last night, but I guess that leaves us with some free time tomorrow, right? Connor-san wanted to have a meeting about the end of the game, and I'll support him in whatever he wants to do.
But... Sieg-kun told me that you might not want to win anymore.
Yes...it's what I'd been trying to say, but I'm sorry that my words were lost or misunderstood.
[He turns to look back up at the stained glass again.]
I never wanted to lead. Winning stopped being necessary for me once the others, in these weeks, have learned the pain of loss and by extension, the necessity of peace. It's because of all of you, they've learned how to listen to even someone as weak-willed as me.
... well, I guess I have three days left. Back to the drawing board.
I wish you'd mentioned it to me earlier - when we spoke earlier in the week you said it like you didn't mind if you won... but if you'd rather not, I'm not going to try to encourage people to follow someone who doesn't want it.
What are you gonna tell Cunning? I thought he was supposed to benefit from an alliance with you if either of you won, and you were looking like the favorite.
My alliance with Cunning was under the terms that he was in the position of victory. Because those conditions have not been met, there's nothing I can particularly do to lend him my support at this time. I'll always support him, however, no matter who the victory goes to...because I believe in him. I think he's an amazing person with so many important things to contribute.
When I say that I wouldn't mind if I won, I mean that I would do my best with what I'm given. I'd never take the position for granted. But I've been thinking very hard about this, myself, and I think that it's for the best that I remain in a secondary role.
[He smiles.]
But ultimately, I only want everyone to vote with their heart. I think, with all the changes that I've seen in everyone...there isn't really a wrong choice.
[Piety puts his hands over his heart, closing his eyes, seeming to lose himself in thought.]
There isn't anyone here that doesn't want the best...for everyone. That's how I feel. All of us, we're at your mercy.
[ . . . . senri can't quite bring himself to smile back]
And what about the wishes, Piety-san?
If Bambi can't grant them - and can only grant smaller wishes. Ishirin-san won't be able to get his wish. Neither will Luke-kun. Those are pretty big wishes, and Cheri already said that it's not an exact science to be able to grant wishes for people outside of the winning team.
Maybe... you should've told us this a little earlier. You've been hosting all week...
[he can't help but be a little frustrated]
I want people to stick by their gods too, if that's what they want, but I don't want these weeks to go unrewarded for them.
I already know how little you think of me, so I'd appreciate it if we can focus on more pertinent details.
But as for the wishes, I think you must be misunderstanding. I don't know where you got the idea that her winning over me will change what wishes are granted. From all the knowledge I have about the existing alliances, there isn't any standing difference.
Senri, you've gone from calling me Pippin to Piety-san, which isn't a change that I've overlooked. I know you're still upset even if you've reigned in your temper, and I completely understand why and don't expect you to forgive me. I can't expect you to trust me, either, when you think that I'm making an irrational decision, or that I've only just brought this up now, when in reality I've been prepared to lose this game for weeks.
[He frowns.]
But it does hurt me that you're under the impression I've given no thought to any of you and your wishes. That I'd urge anyone to secure any kind of "lesser" victory. If I thought that my winning would be the only way to grant those wishes, I wouldn't have suggested it. I can only think that your opinion of me has become very badly tarnished because of my misstep in expressing my concerns with Ambition.
I can only give you my word that I'm doing everything that's in my power to help you, even if it means nothing.
Are you guilt-tripping me for asking a question...? You know Ishirin-san and Luke-kun are both super loyal to you, and I might not know Ishirin-san's but Luke-kun's wish is preeeetty big. I don't think he's going to leave you either - he loves you. I'm worried about my friends, and since they wouldn't switch to Bambi by choice, I thought you were the only option.
I wouldn't be disappointed that you didn't want to lead if I thought little of you - I might be grumpy, but I'm also sorry for being rude. I don't agree with you, but that doesn't mean that I don't think you're a good leader. You eased Sasuke into behaving even though he's bad with gods - that takes skill? It takes someone with your disposition.
We might not be close, but - I don't hate you or anything...?
I'm not intending to do anything of the sort. I don't want you to feel guilty in any way.
[He's actually confused that Senri drew a conclusion like that, and his expression twists in clear worry.]
No...the truth is I feel awful about all of this. I owe you just as much of an apology, if not more. I've hesitated, because I'm afraid of making you feel like I'm trying to be manipulative, but I'm really sorry.
[His shoulders slump.]
I really admire you. I've admired you the entire time you've been here, even when we barely spoke. It's been so inspiring to see how hard you've worked with everyone to try and befriend them, to understand them, to make sure that everything works out as ideally as possible for everyone. I was trying to do the same thing, but...
[He hugs himself.]
I made a mistake, and everything turned out in a way that only hurt others. I don't expect you to forgive me with so little time left...but I hope you believe me when I say with all my heart how sorry I am.
[ . . . . and senri just winces quietly and frowns.]
... thanks for the apology... I don't know if I deserve it, but I appreciate getting one. And I am sorry too - I don't want you to think that I think little of you...
It's been stressful but - you know that a lot of people believe in you, right? When I was trying to figure out what to do in the game, I thought that since I'm flexible, I could go to any god and try to win. But Taka and Ray-kun were the ones who told me that we should think about leaving behind the best possible world, and that meant the best leader, even if that god didn't have a lot of followers at the time.
And the thing is that I agree with them... I believe in balance more than anything else, and I think others would too. It's an easy message to spread, because it's one where a lot of people win.
If you think you made a mistake... we can keep trying to make it better. We've pulled off a lot of crazy things in a short amount of time - so if you feel that way, I want to work with you.
You don't have to be sorry - we can still win, you know? But only if you want to.
It must sound silly...that I can believe in everyone except for myself. There's still a lot that I have to learn, too, so I know that...it's always been easier for me to defer to others when they speak confidently.
[Mistakes are normal, he knows, but when he makes them...it's hard not to feel small.]
I was raised to believe that if I wasn't perfect, I'd be killed, so when I get nervous I may act impulsively, trying to solve things myself. I've always had that problem--I go out of my way and put myself in bad positions until I'm scolded.
[But that said...]
I'm sorry. I will accept you, and anyone else. Your belief in me, and your confidence that I can do this. If my winning won't cause any problems for anyone, any anger or distress...then I have no reason to reject the idea.
... we can talk about it... I'll talk to the other people, and see what we can organize. I don't want you to feel like you're forced into it either - I want to make sure that you're happy. I want all the gods to be happy, just as much as I want as many people to get their wishes as possible - without being reckless, or risking anyone's safety.
[but that's just senri being greedy, chasing after a happily ever after that doesn't exist, but he'll at least pretend it does until he can't anymore]
But... it's okay to not be perfect, and it's okay to make mistakes. People might get mad for a little bit, but they'll - I told Bambi this too... [and he just offers up a smile] But they'll come back together, apologize, and everyone can still be friends.
I do believe you mean well... I still believe in you - and I'll be really excited for you to be able to learn to believe in yourself. Other people see something in you for a reason. I promise their faith isn't mistaken.
Thank you, Senri. It really does mean so much to me. More than I can really express properly. I know I haven't done a good job of earning anyone's confidence, but...I'll do my best not to let you down anymore.
[In a smaller voice:]
I believe in what you've told me. What Ishikirimaru has assured me. And what Luke has always seen, even when I can't.
[ . . . and senri is just sighing quietly, running a hand through his hair]
... I don't know. I think you've done well. I'm... you know, I've been telling people that I'm pretty easy. I can go to a lot of gods - but I think that's why it's even more important that the people who can't make connections with people.
You got both Ray-kun and Taka's attention and respect, just by being you. Same with Sasuke.
Give yourself a little more credit, day by day. I'm sure you can do it. It's all about us changing, right?
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[but he'll still just run a hand through his hair if only to give his hand something to do]
... yeah, tell me about it. Connor-san to try to approach things calmly, but I guess my idea of calm is just not trying to hit anyone. Still.. you didn't deserve that. If I was looking for answers, I could've cooled off first.
[he shakes his head]
I'll keep myself better in check next time.
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[senri tilts his head]
... I'm really glad that no one got hurt last night, but I guess that leaves us with some free time tomorrow, right? Connor-san wanted to have a meeting about the end of the game, and I'll support him in whatever he wants to do.
But... Sieg-kun told me that you might not want to win anymore.
Is that true?
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[He turns to look back up at the stained glass again.]
I never wanted to lead. Winning stopped being necessary for me once the others, in these weeks, have learned the pain of loss and by extension, the necessity of peace. It's because of all of you, they've learned how to listen to even someone as weak-willed as me.
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[Which is to say: PCs ongoing.]
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I wish you'd mentioned it to me earlier - when we spoke earlier in the week you said it like you didn't mind if you won... but if you'd rather not, I'm not going to try to encourage people to follow someone who doesn't want it.
What are you gonna tell Cunning? I thought he was supposed to benefit from an alliance with you if either of you won, and you were looking like the favorite.
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When I say that I wouldn't mind if I won, I mean that I would do my best with what I'm given. I'd never take the position for granted. But I've been thinking very hard about this, myself, and I think that it's for the best that I remain in a secondary role.
[He smiles.]
But ultimately, I only want everyone to vote with their heart. I think, with all the changes that I've seen in everyone...there isn't really a wrong choice.
[Piety puts his hands over his heart, closing his eyes, seeming to lose himself in thought.]
There isn't anyone here that doesn't want the best...for everyone. That's how I feel. All of us, we're at your mercy.
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And what about the wishes, Piety-san?
If Bambi can't grant them - and can only grant smaller wishes. Ishirin-san won't be able to get his wish. Neither will Luke-kun. Those are pretty big wishes, and Cheri already said that it's not an exact science to be able to grant wishes for people outside of the winning team.
Maybe... you should've told us this a little earlier. You've been hosting all week...
[he can't help but be a little frustrated]
I want people to stick by their gods too, if that's what they want, but I don't want these weeks to go unrewarded for them.
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But as for the wishes, I think you must be misunderstanding. I don't know where you got the idea that her winning over me will change what wishes are granted. From all the knowledge I have about the existing alliances, there isn't any standing difference.
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How little I -
What?
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[He frowns.]
But it does hurt me that you're under the impression I've given no thought to any of you and your wishes. That I'd urge anyone to secure any kind of "lesser" victory. If I thought that my winning would be the only way to grant those wishes, I wouldn't have suggested it. I can only think that your opinion of me has become very badly tarnished because of my misstep in expressing my concerns with Ambition.
I can only give you my word that I'm doing everything that's in my power to help you, even if it means nothing.
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I wouldn't be disappointed that you didn't want to lead if I thought little of you - I might be grumpy, but I'm also sorry for being rude. I don't agree with you, but that doesn't mean that I don't think you're a good leader. You eased Sasuke into behaving even though he's bad with gods - that takes skill? It takes someone with your disposition.
We might not be close, but - I don't hate you or anything...?
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[He's actually confused that Senri drew a conclusion like that, and his expression twists in clear worry.]
No...the truth is I feel awful about all of this. I owe you just as much of an apology, if not more. I've hesitated, because I'm afraid of making you feel like I'm trying to be manipulative, but I'm really sorry.
[His shoulders slump.]
I really admire you. I've admired you the entire time you've been here, even when we barely spoke. It's been so inspiring to see how hard you've worked with everyone to try and befriend them, to understand them, to make sure that everything works out as ideally as possible for everyone. I was trying to do the same thing, but...
[He hugs himself.]
I made a mistake, and everything turned out in a way that only hurt others. I don't expect you to forgive me with so little time left...but I hope you believe me when I say with all my heart how sorry I am.
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... thanks for the apology... I don't know if I deserve it, but I appreciate getting one. And I am sorry too - I don't want you to think that I think little of you...
It's been stressful but - you know that a lot of people believe in you, right? When I was trying to figure out what to do in the game, I thought that since I'm flexible, I could go to any god and try to win. But Taka and Ray-kun were the ones who told me that we should think about leaving behind the best possible world, and that meant the best leader, even if that god didn't have a lot of followers at the time.
And the thing is that I agree with them... I believe in balance more than anything else, and I think others would too. It's an easy message to spread, because it's one where a lot of people win.
If you think you made a mistake... we can keep trying to make it better. We've pulled off a lot of crazy things in a short amount of time - so if you feel that way, I want to work with you.
You don't have to be sorry - we can still win, you know? But only if you want to.
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[Mistakes are normal, he knows, but when he makes them...it's hard not to feel small.]
I was raised to believe that if I wasn't perfect, I'd be killed, so when I get nervous I may act impulsively, trying to solve things myself. I've always had that problem--I go out of my way and put myself in bad positions until I'm scolded.
[But that said...]
I'm sorry. I will accept you, and anyone else. Your belief in me, and your confidence that I can do this. If my winning won't cause any problems for anyone, any anger or distress...then I have no reason to reject the idea.
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[but that's just senri being greedy, chasing after a happily ever after that doesn't exist, but he'll at least pretend it does until he can't anymore]
But... it's okay to not be perfect, and it's okay to make mistakes. People might get mad for a little bit, but they'll - I told Bambi this too... [and he just offers up a smile] But they'll come back together, apologize, and everyone can still be friends.
I do believe you mean well... I still believe in you - and I'll be really excited for you to be able to learn to believe in yourself. Other people see something in you for a reason. I promise their faith isn't mistaken.
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[In a smaller voice:]
I believe in what you've told me. What Ishikirimaru has assured me. And what Luke has always seen, even when I can't.
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... I don't know. I think you've done well. I'm... you know, I've been telling people that I'm pretty easy. I can go to a lot of gods - but I think that's why it's even more important that the people who can't make connections with people.
You got both Ray-kun and Taka's attention and respect, just by being you. Same with Sasuke.
Give yourself a little more credit, day by day. I'm sure you can do it. It's all about us changing, right?
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I suppose...I do tend to help others with their own development without leaving much time for myself.
[He looks down at his feet, feeling a little ashamed.]
I'll have to catch up.