[ it's nothing they don't already know; they're a grown adult, and they've had plenty of lovers in the past, too. Still, it feels a little freeing to actually talk about it. ]
... I know they're important. That's what scares me. There are a lot of lives depending on me. Maybe hundreds. If my resolve wavers because of my own selfish feelings, then I may as well be killing them myself.
[ as usual, Mizuki holds their own feelings and desires in very low regard; compared to the greater good, what does it matter? ]
Are they really so selfish? [She doesn't expect an answer, but it's a good question. Wonder what Mizuki would think if they realized Love is actually a 16 year old high school girl.] ...where I'm from, feelings that're held in and hidden from others caused a lot of damage and hurt people. It almost destroyed our world. I think you can learn to use your feelings as an extra boost in strength.
Besides, you've never seemed like the type to change your mind when it's already made up. Why would this really be any different?
[ they'd probably feel pretty darn silly. Frankly, they have a suspicion that she's younger, based purely on her voice and stature, but as long as she has the mask and robes on, they can pretend they didn't notice. Mizuki cocks an eyebrow at that comment, a smile returning to their face. ]
Well, I don't think some unfulfilled romance is going to be destroying my world anytime soon, [ they reply with dry humor before continuing. ] It might be hard to believe, but I was weak like that in the past.
[ a pause. ]
Still, you have a point. My mind's made up... and what I've decided to do back home doesn't need to impact what I do here. [ a small laugh. ] ... And, as they say, endings are always the saddest part.
Why not? It almost destroyed ours. [Idly. But that's not about that.] But you're right. That is hard to believe...I've seen how you behave on trial days, Mizuki-san. You're very factual.
...I think with as little time as you have here, the risk is worth taking. Otherwise you might spend forever thinking about "what might have been" and that's even worse. Trust me. If anything it'll strengthen your resolve instead of weaken it. Something else to fight for. Make sense?
The truth is... The fact that I'm even considering it this much means that it's too late for me, I think. If Majima-kun was a person that I could throw away, I wouldn't have come to talk to you at all. I'd just do it.
[ a small laugh, self-deprecating. ]
I told myself I wouldn't get attached to anyone. I never would have imagined I'd fail before the mission even started.
Sometimes it just happens...and I think that's how you know it's real, you know? The relationships you don't go in looking for are the ones that're the strongest in the end. I never thought I'd find someone the way I did. [A shrug.]
I think sometimes we already know the answer, and we just need to say it out loud to someone else to really get it. But it doesn't sound like it bothers you too much to be attached anyway.
[ they're good at hiding things, then. Or perhaps she's right, and it's not the attachment that bothers them as much as the inevitable separation lying in wait at the end of it. ]
I know. I've loved people in the past, you know. [ a bit of amusement comes into their expression. ] I didn't know that Love-kun had a lover of her own, though. How exciting! Who is it? Sincerity-san?
That's exactly how it sounds from an outsider's point of view. [Be honest withy yourself, Mizuki. The question is a little jarring though and there's a startled laugh.]
No way! Sincerity's a little too old for me anyway. […] It's someone special. I'll have to say goodbye to him when this is over, too. So…even more reason to believe me when I say it's worth it, huh?
[ they continue doing this in the hopes that one day one of the gods they talk to will pull an ambition and blurt something out before they realize it... sorry, love. ]
Wow. Forbidden love between a god and a mortal, huh? That sounds exciting.
It's not that forbidden. [But she's laughing. It's. Bad. Actually.] ...we were both mortals once. And we both know our time is short, but our time was going to be short together whether we dated now or back then. So it's okay.
I'm worried more about something happening to them. [Her followers, and then by proxy her. She doesn't want them to be killed or even transferred.] Wouldn't any god?
...sorry. [Though she's hesitant to apologize all the same.] It doesn't matter, it's nothing to trouble anybody else with. You're satisfied with your current god, right?
[The two subjects aren't entirely related, but rather a switch just to make sure.]
[ this is hypocritical of them, especially on the tail of their last statement. They're deeply aware of it. But, once again, they've failed to rein in their emotions enough to approach the situation from a purely practical viewpoint. Tamaki is one of the people who dragged them into this mess; he's obliquely responsible for the deaths of more than a handful of people (or "only" traumatizing them for life, if one wants to play the "they'll come back" card), just like all the other gods. Even so -- Mizuki forgives him. He didn't mean for things to go this way - they truly believe that, from the bottom of their heart. ]
[It's fine, she recognizes a bias when she sees one and surprisingly she's not too bothered by it. Instead, she considers those words carefully, thinking about how they've carried themselves through this game and some other things she's come to learn about in her own time.]
...he talks about you a lot. [Lightly.] Mizuki-san this and Mizuki-san that and "aren't they brilliant?" and "look at what Mizuki-san brought me!" He seems really happy you guys get along so well.
[So, she wanted to make sure it was real, mostly.]
[ oh. They blink at her a few times in surprise, then smile and chuckle into their hand, glancing off at some point in the distance again. If she was looking for proof, their genuine reaction is probably even more damning than their words. ]
Does he really? You're the second one to say that... Geez. He knows how to embarrass a guy. [ mizuki is clearly not displeased about this. ] Someone like that shouldn't be hosting a game like this.
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... I know they're important. That's what scares me. There are a lot of lives depending on me. Maybe hundreds. If my resolve wavers because of my own selfish feelings, then I may as well be killing them myself.
[ as usual, Mizuki holds their own feelings and desires in very low regard; compared to the greater good, what does it matter? ]
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Besides, you've never seemed like the type to change your mind when it's already made up. Why would this really be any different?
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Well, I don't think some unfulfilled romance is going to be destroying my world anytime soon, [ they reply with dry humor before continuing. ] It might be hard to believe, but I was weak like that in the past.
[ a pause. ]
Still, you have a point. My mind's made up... and what I've decided to do back home doesn't need to impact what I do here. [ a small laugh. ] ... And, as they say, endings are always the saddest part.
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...I think with as little time as you have here, the risk is worth taking. Otherwise you might spend forever thinking about "what might have been" and that's even worse. Trust me. If anything it'll strengthen your resolve instead of weaken it. Something else to fight for. Make sense?
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[ they lean back on their hands again, shaking their head. ]
Mmm, I feel better. Thanks, Love-kun! I needed to clear out my head a little bit, you know?
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It totally makes sense. Love and feelings for people can be really hard to navigate on your own, so I'm happy I could help somehow.
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The truth is... The fact that I'm even considering it this much means that it's too late for me, I think. If Majima-kun was a person that I could throw away, I wouldn't have come to talk to you at all. I'd just do it.
[ a small laugh, self-deprecating. ]
I told myself I wouldn't get attached to anyone. I never would have imagined I'd fail before the mission even started.
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I think sometimes we already know the answer, and we just need to say it out loud to someone else to really get it. But it doesn't sound like it bothers you too much to be attached anyway.
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[ they're good at hiding things, then. Or perhaps she's right, and it's not the attachment that bothers them as much as the inevitable separation lying in wait at the end of it. ]
I know. I've loved people in the past, you know. [ a bit of amusement comes into their expression. ] I didn't know that Love-kun had a lover of her own, though. How exciting! Who is it? Sincerity-san?
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No way! Sincerity's a little too old for me anyway. […] It's someone special. I'll have to say goodbye to him when this is over, too. So…even more reason to believe me when I say it's worth it, huh?
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Eh? Love-kun, are you in love with one of your followers...?
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Wow. Forbidden love between a god and a mortal, huh? That sounds exciting.
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Hah... Then I guess you were the right person to talk about this with.
[ it's funny, in a bittersweet sort of way... ]
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I'm glad you think so. If I can help at least one person a day then that's worth whatever else happens to me.
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"Whatever else?" You've got a lot of followers.
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It's a bit late to be worried about that.
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...sorry. [Though she's hesitant to apologize all the same.] It doesn't matter, it's nothing to trouble anybody else with. You're satisfied with your current god, right?
[The two subjects aren't entirely related, but rather a switch just to make sure.]
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[ this is hypocritical of them, especially on the tail of their last statement. They're deeply aware of it. But, once again, they've failed to rein in their emotions enough to approach the situation from a purely practical viewpoint. Tamaki is one of the people who dragged them into this mess; he's obliquely responsible for the deaths of more than a handful of people (or "only" traumatizing them for life, if one wants to play the "they'll come back" card), just like all the other gods. Even so -- Mizuki forgives him. He didn't mean for things to go this way - they truly believe that, from the bottom of their heart. ]
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...he talks about you a lot. [Lightly.] Mizuki-san this and Mizuki-san that and "aren't they brilliant?" and "look at what Mizuki-san brought me!" He seems really happy you guys get along so well.
[So, she wanted to make sure it was real, mostly.]
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Does he really? You're the second one to say that... Geez. He knows how to embarrass a guy. [ mizuki is clearly not displeased about this. ] Someone like that shouldn't be hosting a game like this.
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