This has been on my mind. Here I am, a simple god, getting showered day after day after day with nothing but alcohol to bide my time. So then, I start thinking.
If I put all of this together.
What does that give me?
It gives me. A pool. But no, Indulgence, that's crazy. No way you could fill a pool this size, this glorious with all your boozy offerings. Oh, right, wait, I don't need to do that. I can just turn the entire thing into whatever I want. Because, that's what I do: whatever I want. Watch this, be amazed.
[He snaps his fingers and the entire fucking pool turns into a fruity cocktail, complete with decorative umbrellas.]
Eh, yeah. Started only accepting booze from the real hot ones. I mean, when they just swipe a bottle from the Parlor, anyway. I can do that too.
[Despite having just turned his entire pool into a conquest of terrible choices, Indulgence absolutely seems to forget about it at once, turning away from it and all but throwing himself into a pool chair.]
If you've been trying to get my attention because you've realized you desperately need to join my team, you've made your first right decision.
Why would I take that the wrong way? The only way anyone wins anything is by being ruthless. That's how anything works in the world.
[He barks a laugh, lounging, his hands behind his head as his legs cross.]
And let me put it this way: you won't get any better deals from anyone in this competition but me. The chumps that left my team are going to regret it. Here I was, slammed at a start in second, and they choose to up and ditch? I could be in the lead by now if people weren't such stuck-up good-doers.
Let's just say that compared to what anyone else can offer you in exchange for favors? I'm not exactly limited. You name it, I got it. I'm a factory of wealth in all forms!
See, that's the thing. Since I can provide anything, I can ask for anything. Say, I could say, Newt, I'd consider it a favor if you did a handstand. Then, badda bing, favor complete, here's your brand new suit. 'Course, if you want that weird little wife of yours--not judging, pal--that'll be more of a get someone to join me type situation. And if you join my team. Well, who knows just how high of an asking price I'll take.
[He says it without thinking, his voice firm and edging on... Is that fear? He recoils, surprised at himself. What the hell was that?
He swallows hard and then straightens. The pool is too humid. He can feel the sweat blooming along his spine, collecting at his temples. Maybe this meeting was a mistake. He should get out of here. There's no way he's switching teams to this guy, anyway. He's got a bigger plan in the works.
A bigger plan.
A bigger plan.]
What, ah... [He clears his throat.] What makes me so valuable to you?
I lost two followers in a week because they don't have the kind of vision that you do. But you're the kinda guy who knows what he wants, right? You seem like it. I need people who have that drive to keep me in this, and understand I'll make it more than worth your while--in the now and in the future.
[At least Indulgence drops the idea quickly. Good. Moving on.]
Is that really why you lost two followers?
[He has a sneaking suspicion that there's more to the story.]
And why do you get better perks than the other gods? I'm assuming it comes with the name, but surely they have other crap they can do to keep the playing field even.
Honestly? I can't tell you why I lost two followers. One of them ditched before ever saying hello and the other one had a nice and productive conversation with me in which I promised to fulfill my part by granting any and all wishes expected of me and then suddenly, BAM, gone! What am I supposed to do with that? At least leave a note with constructive criticism, like, am I right?
[Don't get the wrong IDEA NEWT.]
Of course we all have our specialties. It's just a fact that mine's the best one.
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If I put all of this together.
What does that give me?
It gives me. A pool. But no, Indulgence, that's crazy. No way you could fill a pool this size, this glorious with all your boozy offerings. Oh, right, wait, I don't need to do that. I can just turn the entire thing into whatever I want. Because, that's what I do: whatever I want. Watch this, be amazed.
[He snaps his fingers and the entire fucking pool turns into a fruity cocktail, complete with decorative umbrellas.]
BOOM, now that's what I'm talking about!
[So that's a yes to Newt's question.]
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KuzcoIndulgence is a god, but it's not like many of the others have flaunted their power so dramatically.]That's a way better plan than dumping all your offerings into one big stew. Mixing all that crap together wouldn't taste very good.
[He's also not keen on the idea of drinking the pool water, no matter how fruity and delicious it may be. People pee in pools. Everyone knows that.]
Is that why you rejected my first offering? You're bored of all the basic alcohol offerings?
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[Despite having just turned his entire pool into a conquest of terrible choices, Indulgence absolutely seems to forget about it at once, turning away from it and all but throwing himself into a pool chair.]
If you've been trying to get my attention because you've realized you desperately need to join my team, you've made your first right decision.
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It's not like the temple is swimming in great stuff to make offerings with.
[But whatever.]
Actually? I'm just making the rounds. Figured I should get to know all of you before making any decisions about defecting.
[He moves to join Indulgence, taking a seat in the next chair over.]
Don't take this the wrong way, but I am glad to see you're not one of the "nice" ones.
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[He barks a laugh, lounging, his hands behind his head as his legs cross.]
And let me put it this way: you won't get any better deals from anyone in this competition but me. The chumps that left my team are going to regret it. Here I was, slammed at a start in second, and they choose to up and ditch? I could be in the lead by now if people weren't such stuck-up good-doers.
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Atta boy. Glad we're on the same page.
[But then he sets down the glass. Enough of that.]
Hm. What kind of deals are we talking?
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[Not that he's judging.]
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[He says it without thinking, his voice firm and edging on... Is that fear? He recoils, surprised at himself. What the hell was that?
He swallows hard and then straightens. The pool is too humid. He can feel the sweat blooming along his spine, collecting at his temples. Maybe this meeting was a mistake. He should get out of here. There's no way he's switching teams to this guy, anyway. He's got a bigger plan in the works.
A bigger plan.
A bigger plan.]
What, ah... [He clears his throat.] What makes me so valuable to you?
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I was just giving an example.
[Doesn't matter, doesn't care.]
I lost two followers in a week because they don't have the kind of vision that you do. But you're the kinda guy who knows what he wants, right? You seem like it. I need people who have that drive to keep me in this, and understand I'll make it more than worth your while--in the now and in the future.
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Is that really why you lost two followers?
[He has a sneaking suspicion that there's more to the story.]
And why do you get better perks than the other gods? I'm assuming it comes with the name, but surely they have other crap they can do to keep the playing field even.
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[Don't get the wrong IDEA NEWT.]
Of course we all have our specialties. It's just a fact that mine's the best one.
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[Also Indulgence just doesn't seem like the type to want any criticism ever, but Newt's not judging. He can relate.]
Yours does sound useful, I can't deny that. What's your opinion on the other gods, though?
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[So, like, no.]</small Eh, I can take 'em or leave 'em. I'm friendly with the ones who know how to throw a decent party, at least.
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[He stands, though.]
That's what I thought. Look, I'll keep you in mind, but I can't make any promises. I've got a lot of plans in motion already.