GODLY AUDIENCES - TAKAOMI SHISHIMARU

[divus]

Comments

[divus]

[He side-steps the conversation about Cunning because, well, it's polite not to say anything at all. He hands Taka a plate of food though.]

I think it has, yes. I hadn't realized that it would change things the way that they have, but I think to a degree I always knew that it would. I only hope it's in a way to help you all.

[bakaomi]

... I think I'm probably going to walk away from here with something I didn't have before.

[ he's just not quite sure what that something is yet ]

[divus]

In a good way, or in a bad way?

[bakaomi]

.. both? It's the trauma.

[divus]

Someone once said to me that I couldn't let trauma hold me back from giving it my all and taking what I want in life. I wonder if that's the same here.

[bakaomi]

... I don't know.

It's not like you have much time to process anything before you have to move onto the next thing.

[divus]

No, I suppose not. But...perhaps it's better that way, in some cases. If you processed everything, it may discourage you from carrying on. Not just in this game, but in general.

[bakaomi]

... maybe. Well, I did help kill someone.

[ he blinks.

he never actually said it like that before. ]

[divus]

[He seems surprised for about half a second before continuing.]

You did. And yet it was under a set of circumstances that change the indication quite a bit. Ruthlessness versus selflessness. [Somehow he doesn't blame him, necessarily, but he's keeping his tone light and watching Taka's responses.] Do you suppose something like that will continue to carry you?

[bakaomi]

[ he folds his arms on top of the table and sets his head down on top of them. ]

I dunno yet. It's not something I can really talk about.

[divus]

Because it's hard? Or because it's dangerous? Or, perhaps, both.

[bakaomi]

... it feels kind of stupid to complain. Everyone who knows has been through something worse, and I'm not going to worry Senri with it.

[divus]

[A moment's silence.]

I understand. I've never wanted to make people feel sorrow because of myself either. [He actually stops eating and seems to give Takaomi an appraising, curious look.] In a way, it doesn't feel fair to complain because your burdens are ones you feel you can handle alone. You don't wish to be the cause of trouble for people you wish to see happy and safe.

Something like that?

[bakaomi]

[ he lifts his head up to look back at him. ]

Something like that. [ ... ] And in a game like this it seems like... I shouldn't be hung up on this.

[divus]

Shouldn't you? [A strange little pause again.] While I agree to some extent, I've come to find that people can actually be sadder if you don't share your own sorrows. It doesn't make sense, does it? People should be happy and living their lives to the best of their ability rather than be weighed down with your worries, but perhaps they feel that's a reason to worry more.

...you all came here by choice, but some of the choices you've made were an act of force you weren't prepared for. There's a difference.

[bakaomi]

... I'm used to seeing murder cases, because of my job. So, I thought it'll be fine, if anyone actually did it.

[ he wasn't sure that anyone would, but he was prepared for it. ]

But I was... really determined to not do that to win. I was told there were different ways to play the game, and I was going to keep my hands as clean as possible. I was so confident that I could get through this game in the better way.

[ he sets his head back down on his arms. ]

I wasn't even the one who did it. Ishikirimaru-- but. I still shot her, because I wanted her to stop, and that meant killing her.

[divus]

I see. [That's a lot to think about, and for a moment Beauty remains solemn in thought.]

Though it was done in an attempt to save someone else's--multiple someone else's--life, you still feel guilt that your morals have been compromised. Do you plan to continue playing the game in the same matter now? Keeping your hands as clean as possible.

[bakaomi]

... I'm not really sure how it'll be completely possible with what my power is.

[ because if he keeps using it then the chances of getting into trouble will remain high. ]

I don't know. Like I said, it's stupid.

[divus]

If I may say so, I think the only one who thinks it's stupid is yourself.

...to create a lesser evil, sometimes we have to compromise. It hurts and it isn't fair in many cases, but in the end it's the "right" thing. I highly doubt anyone would fault you for doing what you must for the greater good, especially if you're still actively trying to find another way.

[bakaomi]

I guess.

[ he's quiet for a moment. ]

... so you don't think I'm a bad person?

[divus]

No. I think...people are only bad when they go in with malicious intent, and even then it's important to try and understand why. Nothing about you is incredibly malicious, Takaomi-kun. There's a reason no one suspected you, nor Ishikirimaru-san last weekend.

While bad people exist in the world, good people thrust into bad circumstances do not always create more bad people. Do you understand?

[bakaomi]

[ he does, because it makes sense from a logical standpoint. he really does. ]

... can we eat?

[divus]

Yes, of course. Lady Love recommended these, so I think they'll be delicious.

[bakaomi]

[ he finally sits back up and goes to poke at the tofu. ]

This probably wasn't the conversation you wanted.

[divus]

No? Why wouldn't it be? It's honest conversation and that's what I prefer.