Yes, I know. [What does that have to do with anything? He's not sure, but he seems to just be staring at the book instead.
...maybe...it's true. But that can't be right. The connections he has with the other hosts are some of the most precious things in the world. But then again, how long has he been fighting for a connection with his family? When the two started to intermingle and when he came to think of the other hosts as his family, perhaps that's when things changed.
Nobody has ever said no to him, but it's a thought he has every now and then, something he'd realized back in his own world. People give up important things for his own whims and desires. Haruhi's given up valuable study time to participate in club activities. Kyoya's given up positions of power and chances to claim fame solely to give Tamaki that chance. Honey-senpai gave up martial arts to be a host.
Why...
...and the people here have done several things and connected to him and others. And he thinks of the fact that Takaomi had to ask a question. "Is there anything that doesn't involve people?"
It's an unpleasant feeling to know the answer, and know that as soon as the participants leave things will be incredibly quiet again.
When he continues again, it's the same unsure tone even if the words seem pretty clear.]
Being someone's reason...it's a valuable thing, Takaomi-kun. Please don't forget that.
but taka finally looks at tamaki again after that, even if he's still having trouble at looking him directly in the eye. instead he focuses on a spot on his shoulder, at his ear, anywhere that's still him but not where he can properly see his full expression. ]
I mean that... this entire game, a lot of you have been basically telling me that my line of thinking is wrong and I need to change it. Some of you have even had me do favors that forced me to talk to others. It's annoying.
[ he looks back towards the door. ]
But someone like you wouldn't consider that annoying. I... I'm not brave at all. I know there's that one poem that goes, 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. I thought it was stupid. Why would anyone want to experience loss?
... I dunno how I feel about it still. But you shouldn't listen to someone like me, if literally everyone is telling me to shut the fuck up.
For this game, it's very important to talk to others. Isn't that how you've survived so far? [There's a slight smile.] Frustrating though it may be, it's important to have people to rely on in situations such as this.
But...[His smile falters.] Loss is...a troubling thing. If only because it's more complicated, since even as a loss occurs those connections don't disappear. They simply become...
[ normally, takaomi would consider this a victory, but this is also senri's favorite god and he would never forgive him if taka destroyed tamaki emotionally.
so. ]
Senri probably told you, but even if he didn't I'm saying it anyway. He received a picture that has him and all the close friends he made here on it. It really upset him. [ ... ] Sasuke is the one who sent it. He thought it would make him happy.
I think that... even though the picture hurts now, because it's only reminding him that he's going to part ways with all of those people soon, that eventually it'll be something he appreciates having. Something that seems like a sad memory in the moment can become a happy one later on, right?
He showed me the photo the day he received it. [It's...funny, actually, that Taka says it like that because it's very similar to what Tamaki had told Senri himself.] But I agree. In a sense, it's better to have the opportunity than miss out entirely.
[...he used to firmly believe that but now he's just. Wondering.] ...but I think sometimes sad memories can only remain sad ones, and it's alright to accept that. [Instead of doing what Tamaki's infamous for and slapping everything behind grace and a charming grin.
It's unfortunate that Taka accidentally stepped on a landmine of issues that could have been avoided, but it was inevitable. He nods though.]
...for someone like Senri who's wanted a family more than anything, a picture will be of great value in the later days. I hope he reaches that point where it's a happy memory for both of you. And Uchiha-kun's heart was in the right place. [But he looks a little happy.] To come to that conclusion on your own says quite a bit about what you've learned here.
[ takaomi still has complicated feelings on a lot of matter that only became more complicated since coming here. and he still clings to the gods more than he clings to the other participants, except for one.
he can believe in a lot of things if it's for senri specifically. ]
... I really don't want to be the guy to have sent you into more of a downward spiral.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Okay.
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I'm sorry. [A pause.] I'm...afraid, I suppose, of what will happen after you all leave.
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That's why it's easier not to make any connections, you know.
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Perhaps. [It's very quiet, like he's actually really considering it.] ...thank you, Takaomi-kun.
[I can't believe Taka just broke Tamaki.]
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he doesn't look at tamaki again when he talks. ]
You're different from me.
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...maybe...it's true. But that can't be right. The connections he has with the other hosts are some of the most precious things in the world. But then again, how long has he been fighting for a connection with his family? When the two started to intermingle and when he came to think of the other hosts as his family, perhaps that's when things changed.
Nobody has ever said no to him, but it's a thought he has every now and then, something he'd realized back in his own world. People give up important things for his own whims and desires. Haruhi's given up valuable study time to participate in club activities. Kyoya's given up positions of power and chances to claim fame solely to give Tamaki that chance. Honey-senpai gave up martial arts to be a host.
Why...
...and the people here have done several things and connected to him and others. And he thinks of the fact that Takaomi had to ask a question. "Is there anything that doesn't involve people?"
It's an unpleasant feeling to know the answer, and know that as soon as the participants leave things will be incredibly quiet again.
When he continues again, it's the same unsure tone even if the words seem pretty clear.]
Being someone's reason...it's a valuable thing, Takaomi-kun. Please don't forget that.
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but taka finally looks at tamaki again after that, even if he's still having trouble at looking him directly in the eye. instead he focuses on a spot on his shoulder, at his ear, anywhere that's still him but not where he can properly see his full expression. ]
I mean that... this entire game, a lot of you have been basically telling me that my line of thinking is wrong and I need to change it. Some of you have even had me do favors that forced me to talk to others. It's annoying.
[ he looks back towards the door. ]
But someone like you wouldn't consider that annoying. I... I'm not brave at all. I know there's that one poem that goes, 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. I thought it was stupid. Why would anyone want to experience loss?
... I dunno how I feel about it still. But you shouldn't listen to someone like me, if literally everyone is telling me to shut the fuck up.
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But...[His smile falters.] Loss is...a troubling thing. If only because it's more complicated, since even as a loss occurs those connections don't disappear. They simply become...
[...broken? Hm.] I understand though.
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[ normally, takaomi would consider this a victory, but this is also senri's favorite god and he would never forgive him if taka destroyed tamaki emotionally.
so. ]
Senri probably told you, but even if he didn't I'm saying it anyway. He received a picture that has him and all the close friends he made here on it. It really upset him. [ ... ] Sasuke is the one who sent it. He thought it would make him happy.
I think that... even though the picture hurts now, because it's only reminding him that he's going to part ways with all of those people soon, that eventually it'll be something he appreciates having. Something that seems like a sad memory in the moment can become a happy one later on, right?
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[...he used to firmly believe that but now he's just. Wondering.] ...but I think sometimes sad memories can only remain sad ones, and it's alright to accept that. [Instead of doing what Tamaki's infamous for and slapping everything behind grace and a charming grin.
It's unfortunate that Taka accidentally stepped on a landmine of issues that could have been avoided, but it was inevitable. He nods though.]
...for someone like Senri who's wanted a family more than anything, a picture will be of great value in the later days. I hope he reaches that point where it's a happy memory for both of you. And Uchiha-kun's heart was in the right place. [But he looks a little happy.] To come to that conclusion on your own says quite a bit about what you've learned here.
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It's because it's about Senri.
[ takaomi still has complicated feelings on a lot of matter that only became more complicated since coming here. and he still clings to the gods more than he clings to the other participants, except for one.
he can believe in a lot of things if it's for senri specifically. ]
... I really don't want to be the guy to have sent you into more of a downward spiral.
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This isn't a downward spiral. So please don't worry about that. You've done nothing wrong.
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I know I fucked up here.
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...thank you for speaking with me, at least. Even if you don't like forming connections.
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See you next week.
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[For the big event. Wednesday will go well. With that, he bows his head respectfully before he leaves the room.]