If you had been the one to go out there and do something, what would you say if they tried saying they were ones who messed up because of what you did? You'd tell them it was your choice, and not their fault, right?
senri struggles a little bit under the hold and tries to gently guide sincerity's hands away]
But i'm the one who talked, Cheri! I'm the one who gave them leads, and told them who's in Ambition, and told them that I thought it was still worth pursuing. I... I know they made their own choices, but I....
And if they were really motivated to act, which obviously they were, they'd have found a way to get that information even if you hadn't given it to them.
You can't be beating yourself up over every little thing. You're acting like all of this has to be on your shoulders, but it doesn't have to be, and it shouldn't have to be. That's way too much of a burden to put on anyone, let alone a fifteen-year-old boy.
[flicks at his forehead]
You have a goal, don't you? It might've changed from your goal at the beginning of all of this, but you have one. That's why you're still here. That, and to support your friends.
[ . . . . senri winces with the forehead flick, but he thinks about it.]
.... yeah. [ . . . ] Cheri, if you win, or if there's any way that you can talk to the god that wins - please make sure that Ray-kun's wish gets granted in place of mine. No matter what happens, that's what I want.
I feel like... I'm going to be busy this coming week....
But it's -
What I want. To go home with Taka, and to make sure Ray-kun gets what he wanted.
[pats him on the back... that's nicer than flicking his forehead.........]
If that's what you want, that's what you'll get. For sure, if I'm the one who wins this. I can't make any promises about what other gods will do, but...
See, that's exactly my point, Sen-chan. It doesn't matter how many times I say what I say, you're going to make your own choices.
Likewise, you can share your plans until you're blue in the face, but that doesn't mean everyone will follow them. And if they don't, that doesn't mean your plan was a bad one, or that you didn't try hard enough. It just means they made different choices. It doesn't reflect on you.
[maybe if he repeats this enough times senri won't feel guilty over other people's choices!! or maybe he will, but at least he tried to help.]
I guess... No, it's... I know you're right. Because everyone is different, and they're allowed to make their choices. No matter what I try to organize, or what I try to do to help, not everyone is going to believe me, or believe in me. For so long, even Taka didn't trust me at all, no matter what I did.
... but I always think -
If this is all I can do in this game, I should be able to do it well.
If all I can do is act, I should be able to do it well.
If all I can do is lie, and cover for people who are really trying to protect others, I should....
I don't want broken efforts, and mistakes we've all made, to be the end of all this.
It's not about them believing in you or not believing in you either, Sen-chan. It's not black and white. You can be right without them also being wrong, even if they don't do what you say.
All anyone can expect anyone to do here is your best. So if it's going to make you happy to go for it, then I think you should do it.
Cover for your friends, if you think that will help. Or tell the truth about they did, if that's what you think would be most helpful.
But know that none of this is permanent, and no matter how this turns out, it's not going to be a permanent end. It's a beginning for a new world, and you're all going back home to your worlds to keep living your lives, or to each others' worlds if you'd rather go there instead. Even if things don't end up exactly the way you want them, that doesn't mean you can't still make something beautiful out of it.
Won't you be happier if you think about the things you can do, instead of agonizing over the things you think you can't?
[ . . . . senri is quiet as he thinks about it, tries to absorb without arguing. he thinks about all the wishes that might not get granted, the people that might not be able to be saved. ludger, for all the times they argue, made a point about people who want to come back from the dead to be with their families again. by the same coin, there's itachi, who believes firmly that they should remain right where they are. sasuke, who let go of that dream even with a wish waiting right in front of them.
and ishi, and madoka, and everyone who says that maybe it's alright to not need wishes, because they can still be accomplished by other means]
... right.
I'm not playing alone.
[he doesn't need to take it all on by himself
he has people to lean on here
he speaks softly, like it's a lesson he's been constantly learning in this game, like even now it's just a little bit novel to not be left by himself]
Exactly. From the very beginning, you haven't been alone here.
[Sincerity can remember it - Senri's been charming people since day one.]
Also, that stud of a boyfriend of yours is waiting for you to rely on him a little too, you know. And you've got so many people who care about you, it's obvious to anyone who's watching. You can rely on their strength, and lend yours to theirs.
It's easier when you work with them instead of trying to do everything yourself.
Ooh, if you cry on all of his shirts, just take it off before you start. Problem solved!
[hey dana why are these two so stupid even when they're having an emotional moment]
There, that's more like it. It's new, and it'll take getting used to, but believe me when I say there are a lot of people here who care about you. You don't have to take all of this on by yourself - you can rely on all of them and trust them to make the choices they believe in.
[ . . . is what he's saying but also like. he's laughing.
and when some of the laughter dies down, he'll. pause.]
... I miss Ray-kun so much, Cheri. I relied on him a lot - I think a lot more than people knew. I relied him almost as much as I rely on Taka, but twice as much for when it came to trying to make decisions. When I lost him, I thought... that I lost a lot of the support I had in this game. It was extra bad, because I lost Jude-kun and Zo at the same time, and I... I was hurting really badly.
When I found out that he made a brooch to protect me, and gave it to me instead of using it for himself, I... didn't really get why. I think a lot that I'm kind of selfish, and I thought at first that I would've absolutely kept something like that, so why couldn't everyone else?
... but I gave it to Taka on Thursday, as soon as I could. This need to protect people... I think I understand it a lot better now, than when I started here.
I'm still scared - often. I'm still worried that maybe people make the wrong choices for my sake.
But... I think I'm getting better from being here. I really do. And I'm trying not to be too scared to be more... sincere.
[RUFFLES SENRI'S HAIR while he recovers from his laughter]
...I don't think that sounds stupid, Sen-chan. I'm glad you're learning about that... about wanting to protect people. It's a sign of how much you've grown.
[can you, like, call it good growth if it's only because he's in a murdergame? ehhh.]
People are shaped by their experiences. For better or worse, you've had experiences here that in your normal life, you'd never have to deal with. [unless dream!ing has him get kidnapped by a serial killer or smth] Some people who have gone through tougher things before being here already had that protective instinct. Some people who are purely selfish... they get further and further away from developing it the longer they're here.
But it speaks a lot about the kind of person you are that even though you think you're selfish, you have suc a strong urge to protect people.
..... I always thought that's just because I'm from a place that's so peaceful - that I want everyone else to experience that.
[ . . . but he nods.]
I'll keep trying, though. I don't... want to get worse, again. It's... scary, to be real. To think that I might make people unhappy when I try to be myself, but.. being yourself, no matter what other people think, right?
[that's the world cheri wants]
Something tells me that Cheri didn't go through this same type of thing to get as cool as you are... but I'd like to live similarly one day too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[and he just
didn't bother getting dressed even though he knew people would be coming, okay]
But you've got noooothing to worry about. Your boyfriend's too young for me, too.
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[THAT'S THE TRUTH AND IT'S SO UNFORTUNATE
but now that that's out of the way
. . . . ]
.... sorry.
For disappointing you. Even if I... didn't do it myself, I... I've been thinking that... maybe I really did mess up this week.
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[just gonna
reach over and tug on his cheeks]
If you had been the one to go out there and do something, what would you say if they tried saying they were ones who messed up because of what you did? You'd tell them it was your choice, and not their fault, right?
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senri struggles a little bit under the hold and tries to gently guide sincerity's hands away]
But i'm the one who talked, Cheri! I'm the one who gave them leads, and told them who's in Ambition, and told them that I thought it was still worth pursuing. I... I know they made their own choices, but I....
[ . . . ]
Sometimes I don't know what I'm still doing here.
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You can't be beating yourself up over every little thing. You're acting like all of this has to be on your shoulders, but it doesn't have to be, and it shouldn't have to be. That's way too much of a burden to put on anyone, let alone a fifteen-year-old boy.
[flicks at his forehead]
You have a goal, don't you? It might've changed from your goal at the beginning of all of this, but you have one. That's why you're still here. That, and to support your friends.
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.... yeah. [ . . . ] Cheri, if you win, or if there's any way that you can talk to the god that wins - please make sure that Ray-kun's wish gets granted in place of mine. No matter what happens, that's what I want.
I feel like... I'm going to be busy this coming week....
But it's -
What I want. To go home with Taka, and to make sure Ray-kun gets what he wanted.
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If that's what you want, that's what you'll get. For sure, if I'm the one who wins this. I can't make any promises about what other gods will do, but...
I'll do what I can.
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and senri just... nods]
... uh-huh. I'll... talk to them too, but I thought I'd ask, just in case.
It's... the last week, right?
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I'll try to make it to the end.
I'll... try to get as many people to join me, so they can get all their wishes too.
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Easier said than done....
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Likewise, you can share your plans until you're blue in the face, but that doesn't mean everyone will follow them. And if they don't, that doesn't mean your plan was a bad one, or that you didn't try hard enough. It just means they made different choices. It doesn't reflect on you.
[maybe if he repeats this enough times senri won't feel guilty over other people's choices!! or maybe he will, but at least he tried to help.]
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I guess... No, it's... I know you're right. Because everyone is different, and they're allowed to make their choices. No matter what I try to organize, or what I try to do to help, not everyone is going to believe me, or believe in me. For so long, even Taka didn't trust me at all, no matter what I did.
... but I always think -
If this is all I can do in this game, I should be able to do it well.
If all I can do is act, I should be able to do it well.
If all I can do is lie, and cover for people who are really trying to protect others, I should....
I don't want broken efforts, and mistakes we've all made, to be the end of all this.
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All anyone can expect anyone to do here is your best. So if it's going to make you happy to go for it, then I think you should do it.
Cover for your friends, if you think that will help. Or tell the truth about they did, if that's what you think would be most helpful.
But know that none of this is permanent, and no matter how this turns out, it's not going to be a permanent end. It's a beginning for a new world, and you're all going back home to your worlds to keep living your lives, or to each others' worlds if you'd rather go there instead. Even if things don't end up exactly the way you want them, that doesn't mean you can't still make something beautiful out of it.
Won't you be happier if you think about the things you can do, instead of agonizing over the things you think you can't?
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and ishi, and madoka, and everyone who says that maybe it's alright to not need wishes, because they can still be accomplished by other means]
... right.
I'm not playing alone.
[he doesn't need to take it all on by himself
he has people to lean on here
he speaks softly, like it's a lesson he's been constantly learning in this game, like even now it's just a little bit novel to not be left by himself]
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[Sincerity can remember it - Senri's been charming people since day one.]
Also, that stud of a boyfriend of yours is waiting for you to rely on him a little too, you know. And you've got so many people who care about you, it's obvious to anyone who's watching. You can rely on their strength, and lend yours to theirs.
It's easier when you work with them instead of trying to do everything yourself.
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... I rely on Taka so much, Cheri. I've ruined so many of his t-shirts just from how much I cry on him, I bet. He... puts up with me more than anyone.
But... yeah, I get it. I'll... try my hardest to keep remembering that. It's still... new.
[six weeks have done amazing things for senri
but fifteen years of being alone, for as long as he can remember, have made some habits more stubborn than others]
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[hey dana why are these two so stupid even when they're having an emotional moment]
There, that's more like it. It's new, and it'll take getting used to, but believe me when I say there are a lot of people here who care about you. You don't have to take all of this on by yourself - you can rely on all of them and trust them to make the choices they believe in.
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I can't, I can't!!
[THEY ARE BLUSHING VIRGINS IT'S REALLY BAD ANYWAY MOVING ON you ever think about cheri is giving senri this specific pep talk in his boxers though]
.... Cheri, can I admit something...? Something that'll probably sound stupid, but... I think I need to say it.
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[i hate this. that's cursed, dana.]
Go ahead and say it.
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[ . . . is what he's saying but also like. he's laughing.
and when some of the laughter dies down, he'll. pause.]
... I miss Ray-kun so much, Cheri. I relied on him a lot - I think a lot more than people knew. I relied him almost as much as I rely on Taka, but twice as much for when it came to trying to make decisions. When I lost him, I thought... that I lost a lot of the support I had in this game. It was extra bad, because I lost Jude-kun and Zo at the same time, and I... I was hurting really badly.
When I found out that he made a brooch to protect me, and gave it to me instead of using it for himself, I... didn't really get why. I think a lot that I'm kind of selfish, and I thought at first that I would've absolutely kept something like that, so why couldn't everyone else?
... but I gave it to Taka on Thursday, as soon as I could. This need to protect people... I think I understand it a lot better now, than when I started here.
I'm still scared - often. I'm still worried that maybe people make the wrong choices for my sake.
But... I think I'm getting better from being here. I really do. And I'm trying not to be too scared to be more... sincere.
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...I don't think that sounds stupid, Sen-chan. I'm glad you're learning about that... about wanting to protect people. It's a sign of how much you've grown.
[can you, like, call it good growth if it's only because he's in a murdergame? ehhh.]
People are shaped by their experiences. For better or worse, you've had experiences here that in your normal life, you'd never have to deal with. [unless dream!ing has him get kidnapped by a serial killer or smth] Some people who have gone through tougher things before being here already had that protective instinct. Some people who are purely selfish... they get further and further away from developing it the longer they're here.
But it speaks a lot about the kind of person you are that even though you think you're selfish, you have suc a strong urge to protect people.
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[ . . . but he nods.]
I'll keep trying, though. I don't... want to get worse, again. It's... scary, to be real. To think that I might make people unhappy when I try to be myself, but.. being yourself, no matter what other people think, right?
[that's the world cheri wants]
Something tells me that Cheri didn't go through this same type of thing to get as cool as you are... but I'd like to live similarly one day too.
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[he grins at him]
Just be you, Sen-chan. The most important thing is to be true to yourself, no matter what's going on or who's around you.
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