ishikirimaru just steadily pushes himself back to his feet, approaching the window seat jack's sitting in. it might be slightly awkward, considering that, but--
he wraps his arms around him anyway.]
...I am sorry.
It is easy to become wrapped up in everything that has happened, and to forget everything you must deal with, as well.
[knowing it as it happens, being aware and unable to say anything-- not to mention how unlucky jack especially has been, to lose two last week and another now.]
...well. It's not an unfamiliar concept anymore, but it's still a surprise. Ishi delivers a hug and Jack's sitting still for a few seconds because he's still not entirely sure what to make of these things, but...it's fine. After another few seconds, he'll return it. The fact he's sitting means it's only with one arm, but there's an attempt.]
This is what we signed up for. [Is it?] Every week, I know and I can't say anything or do anything to help. I should...it's against the rules, I get that, but it's not fair.
[You know, for someone who's over 300 years old he actually sounds like a teenager this time.] We lost someone in my old life because I couldn't help in time. I'm sick of letting that happen here, too.
[ishi is... not letting go. this is just a thing that's going to continue happening, because it seems like they could both use it; he definitely can, much as he would never admit it out loud.]
It isn't fair to you, especially not to those of you who never wanted it to be this way. It does not matter whether we will come back or not, because it has still happened, and whether we are able to forget it or not... will it be that easy for you?
[this is the sort of thing they cannot forget, because that's how it happens again. that's how these cycles repeat, and that can't happen.]
...I am tired of the same thing. Our duty sometimes means it is necessary to kill, or to stand by and not interfere with a death that history has dictated. Ignoring the course of history and altering it without care leads only to becoming corrupt, but still, I--
We made it happen once. Once, out of all those times we had to let humans die. Perhaps that one time has... clouded my judgment, but I cannot forget that it was not impossible after all.
[for all his current sorrow, he's still trying to hold on to that, even though he's admitted how hopeless it feels. there was a way then. there might still be a way now.
[Ishi is maybe the only person who can get away with this. Well, no, Taka could, but Taka's not here and Ishi's way too remnant of somebody Jack remembers from the old life. So yeah, a hug can continue.]
I worry about some of the younger ones who have to deal with knowing. Some of them are really just kids. But...no. We can't erase our memories of this the way we may be able to for you guys. I don't know if I'd want to anyway, but it's...hard. Sometimes.
[He can admit that, at least.] ...likewise, it's probably hard to give up when you know if you just try again, maybe it'll work. That's the tricky thing about hope. You don't give up even when it's...bad.
Clouded judgment or not, I'd rather you guys keep fighting than give up. That doesn't mean you can't be sad about what happened this time.
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no subject
ishikirimaru just steadily pushes himself back to his feet, approaching the window seat jack's sitting in. it might be slightly awkward, considering that, but--
he wraps his arms around him anyway.]
...I am sorry.
It is easy to become wrapped up in everything that has happened, and to forget everything you must deal with, as well.
[knowing it as it happens, being aware and unable to say anything-- not to mention how unlucky jack especially has been, to lose two last week and another now.]
no subject
...well. It's not an unfamiliar concept anymore, but it's still a surprise. Ishi delivers a hug and Jack's sitting still for a few seconds because he's still not entirely sure what to make of these things, but...it's fine. After another few seconds, he'll return it. The fact he's sitting means it's only with one arm, but there's an attempt.]
This is what we signed up for. [Is it?] Every week, I know and I can't say anything or do anything to help. I should...it's against the rules, I get that, but it's not fair.
[You know, for someone who's over 300 years old he actually sounds like a teenager this time.] We lost someone in my old life because I couldn't help in time. I'm sick of letting that happen here, too.
no subject
[ishi is... not letting go. this is just a thing that's going to continue happening, because it seems like they could both use it; he definitely can, much as he would never admit it out loud.]
It isn't fair to you, especially not to those of you who never wanted it to be this way. It does not matter whether we will come back or not, because it has still happened, and whether we are able to forget it or not... will it be that easy for you?
[this is the sort of thing they cannot forget, because that's how it happens again. that's how these cycles repeat, and that can't happen.]
...I am tired of the same thing. Our duty sometimes means it is necessary to kill, or to stand by and not interfere with a death that history has dictated. Ignoring the course of history and altering it without care leads only to becoming corrupt, but still, I--
We made it happen once. Once, out of all those times we had to let humans die. Perhaps that one time has... clouded my judgment, but I cannot forget that it was not impossible after all.
[for all his current sorrow, he's still trying to hold on to that, even though he's admitted how hopeless it feels. there was a way then. there might still be a way now.
but what if there's really not?]
no subject
I worry about some of the younger ones who have to deal with knowing. Some of them are really just kids. But...no. We can't erase our memories of this the way we may be able to for you guys. I don't know if I'd want to anyway, but it's...hard. Sometimes.
[He can admit that, at least.] ...likewise, it's probably hard to give up when you know if you just try again, maybe it'll work. That's the tricky thing about hope. You don't give up even when it's...bad.
Clouded judgment or not, I'd rather you guys keep fighting than give up. That doesn't mean you can't be sad about what happened this time.