Because things have changed, Ishikirimaru...they've changed so much. And it's a great thing. It's amazing. My resolve hasn't wavered, I still want exactly what I wanted before, but it's just that...the circumstances are different now.
[He looks back up and tries to translate that earnestness into his big, young eyes.]
For me, it's never been about leading. The alliances I've made have all been so I could play an active support role without sacrificing the strengths that some of the others have in leading that I don't. Before, I felt I had to win in order to be able to mediate...but now, because the rest of the Pantheon has grown so much, I see that I don't need to win. Giving the win to someone else will give us the same victory, without sacrificing some of the trust that's been built up to this point that may otherwise be sullied in the event of my victory.
[ishi is quiet for several long moments as he takes that all in, hands folded in front of him.]
If that is truly what you want, I need to know how certain you are of this-- because we will need to choose someone else to support, if you honestly feel that it is the best course of action and if we should go along with that. Someone who will also help maintain that harmony among all of you, and who is suited enough to lead.
Personally, I still feel as if your desire for balance would make for the best possible world. I... never considered a second choice, and doing so at such a late point...
[a shake of his head, there.]
I know that I cannot make you desire victory if this is what you are sure would be best, but I also do not know what trust you think might be broken should we still support you in the end.
[There's a long silence from Ion's end as well before he reaches over and grips Ishi's sleeve with one of his small, delicate hands. Here, in front of this follower, he feels less afraid to be vulnerable. He doesn't have to be perfect, calm, a paragon of leadership. He can be young and nervous and make mistakes.]
...if you stayed with me, if anyone stayed, or anyone chose to come to me regardless, I've tried to express that I won't be disappointed. Your faith in me, regardless, brings me a lot of joy. Your support makes me feel strong. And if I won, I'd do everything that I said before, unchanged. So please don't think I'd urge you to do anything outside of your own best judgment.
[when he grips ishi's sleeve, ishi is just going to take that hand in both of his own, squeezing it gently and reassuringly.]
I do still feel you are the best choice. I know you have spoken well of Ambition before, but I simply do not see a proper leader in her yet, and we do not believe her followers will leave her. The plan is still going to be to move to someone else, to my understanding, who we believe will be best suited.
...but if you yourself do not wish to be the one we choose, we will not convince anyone else of the same, so in that sense I will respect your wishes.
[it won't work, in that case, so he'll have little other choice.]
I will be honest, though, and say I truly do not wish to. It'll be done only to ensure the future of this world, not because I ever wished to support anyone else... though of course I also will not follow someone whose vision I cannot believe in.
No...if you still wish to choose me, I won't ask for anything. In the end, I plan on doing my part. I was worried, because I had an understanding with Ambition similar to Cunning's--that if she won, she'd give me my platform and let me help her lead appropriately.
That's why, when I realized just how likely it was that I may win after all, I had to inform her that this hadn't been a plan of my own design. You understand, don't you? If she felt that she'd been double-crossed by me, that I'd manipulated her feelings, things would only get worse in the future. It would start a chain of negativity that would erase all of the development that she and others have had over these past several weeks.
...but she knows, now. She won't be blindsided, so she'll accept whatever happens without drawing damaging conclusions. I'm still wary of how our relationship will change in the immediate future, but as angry as Senri is with me, he has the chance to reconcile with her and I believe that I may have the same chance...at least in due time.
[He holds onto Ishi's support like a lifeline of courage.]
So please, just follow your heart. I will act accordingly no matter what the final tally brings.
...that explains a couple of things, I suppose. I do wish you had said something and left that to us-- we could have made it clear to her that you did not organize anything. Allowing Nito-kun to tell her in the first place may have avoided any such hurt.
[but he exhales a slow breath, giving his head a slight shake. he doesn't let go of ion's hand.]
If that is what you meant when you said you didn't wish to tarnish any trust, then allow Nito-kun to do what he does best and work with her. I have faith that he can help sort things out.
I would have left it to him if he hadn't already expressed that he didn't wish her to know.
[But he seems to feel a bit better, now, his shoulders starting to relax.]
...there's still a lot that I still have to learn, too. I work hard, but there are many emotions and complex situations that I haven't experienced in my short lifetime. I realize that I misjudged, but it was never my intention to further any ill will between anyone. To cause hurt or anxiety...
It will be all right. We will see to that as well as we can; just bear this in mind in the future.
[his tone is gentle, there, but he holds ion's gaze steadily.]
But, Ion- should this be resolved enough for us to have some certainty it will not harm the future harmony of the pantheon... will you still say you do not wish to win?
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[ishi looks him over with concern, noting that exhaustion; his tone was not as soft at first, but it eases.]
...I will also try not to take too much of your time. You look like you could use some rest, Ion.
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[He sounds almost desperate, leaning forward where he sits with his hands grasped together.]
When we talk, I feel like you listen.
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I need to know why, Ion.
[he's quiet, but no less intent, meeting that desperation with relative calm.]
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[He looks back up and tries to translate that earnestness into his big, young eyes.]
For me, it's never been about leading. The alliances I've made have all been so I could play an active support role without sacrificing the strengths that some of the others have in leading that I don't. Before, I felt I had to win in order to be able to mediate...but now, because the rest of the Pantheon has grown so much, I see that I don't need to win. Giving the win to someone else will give us the same victory, without sacrificing some of the trust that's been built up to this point that may otherwise be sullied in the event of my victory.
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If that is truly what you want, I need to know how certain you are of this-- because we will need to choose someone else to support, if you honestly feel that it is the best course of action and if we should go along with that. Someone who will also help maintain that harmony among all of you, and who is suited enough to lead.
Personally, I still feel as if your desire for balance would make for the best possible world. I... never considered a second choice, and doing so at such a late point...
[a shake of his head, there.]
I know that I cannot make you desire victory if this is what you are sure would be best, but I also do not know what trust you think might be broken should we still support you in the end.
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...if you stayed with me, if anyone stayed, or anyone chose to come to me regardless, I've tried to express that I won't be disappointed. Your faith in me, regardless, brings me a lot of joy. Your support makes me feel strong. And if I won, I'd do everything that I said before, unchanged. So please don't think I'd urge you to do anything outside of your own best judgment.
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[when he grips ishi's sleeve, ishi is just going to take that hand in both of his own, squeezing it gently and reassuringly.]
I do still feel you are the best choice. I know you have spoken well of Ambition before, but I simply do not see a proper leader in her yet, and we do not believe her followers will leave her. The plan is still going to be to move to someone else, to my understanding, who we believe will be best suited.
...but if you yourself do not wish to be the one we choose, we will not convince anyone else of the same, so in that sense I will respect your wishes.
[it won't work, in that case, so he'll have little other choice.]
I will be honest, though, and say I truly do not wish to. It'll be done only to ensure the future of this world, not because I ever wished to support anyone else... though of course I also will not follow someone whose vision I cannot believe in.
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No...if you still wish to choose me, I won't ask for anything. In the end, I plan on doing my part. I was worried, because I had an understanding with Ambition similar to Cunning's--that if she won, she'd give me my platform and let me help her lead appropriately.
That's why, when I realized just how likely it was that I may win after all, I had to inform her that this hadn't been a plan of my own design. You understand, don't you? If she felt that she'd been double-crossed by me, that I'd manipulated her feelings, things would only get worse in the future. It would start a chain of negativity that would erase all of the development that she and others have had over these past several weeks.
...but she knows, now. She won't be blindsided, so she'll accept whatever happens without drawing damaging conclusions. I'm still wary of how our relationship will change in the immediate future, but as angry as Senri is with me, he has the chance to reconcile with her and I believe that I may have the same chance...at least in due time.
[He holds onto Ishi's support like a lifeline of courage.]
So please, just follow your heart. I will act accordingly no matter what the final tally brings.
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[but he exhales a slow breath, giving his head a slight shake. he doesn't let go of ion's hand.]
If that is what you meant when you said you didn't wish to tarnish any trust, then allow Nito-kun to do what he does best and work with her. I have faith that he can help sort things out.
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[But he seems to feel a bit better, now, his shoulders starting to relax.]
...there's still a lot that I still have to learn, too. I work hard, but there are many emotions and complex situations that I haven't experienced in my short lifetime. I realize that I misjudged, but it was never my intention to further any ill will between anyone. To cause hurt or anxiety...
I'm really so, so sorry.
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[his tone is gentle, there, but he holds ion's gaze steadily.]
But, Ion- should this be resolved enough for us to have some certainty it will not harm the future harmony of the pantheon... will you still say you do not wish to win?
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So long as it's resolved, I wouldn't reject the responsibility. It would be my honor.
[And then he looks down, and away.]
I'll leave it to all of you.
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[ishi gives his hand a gentle little squeeze, before finally releasing it and giving him a small smile.]
I need to go speak with them again, but if you have any need of me, please-- call on me.
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[Nodding his ascent, Ion folds his hands in his lap.]