...Hikaru told me to give it my all, and so I ascended to try and create the perfect world. My father once told me that I can't apply my ideals or my sense of justice to business, and I still don't know why I couldn't. And I had a promise to my mother to keep.
My wish was to do all of these things and provide the best for the new world.
[It's much more complicated than that but he's not going to bug Taka about it since he's still pretty sure Taka's just here to tell him to stop flirting with Senri.]
I'm hesitant to call it a mistake because it wasn't that. But usually Kyoya will help me with big decisions, or Haruhi will point out how ridiculous it is. It was a split decision that needed more time than I gave it.
I don't regret it. But I've realized things since I've come here that I wished I'd figured out before the ascension. There were things I wished I had done, and people I had seen, but...perhaps as a god...
[...yeah he doesn't know where to go with that thought, so he busies himself with closing the book and pulling it somewhere else. Glad that Taka gets to be one of the people to actually see Tamaki when he isn't composed.]
The staff at the second estate is very nice. They're around often. And I have the other hosts. [Um.] And I have Antoinette. And our customers who come by every day and visit with us at the club.
Yes, I know. [What does that have to do with anything? He's not sure, but he seems to just be staring at the book instead.
...maybe...it's true. But that can't be right. The connections he has with the other hosts are some of the most precious things in the world. But then again, how long has he been fighting for a connection with his family? When the two started to intermingle and when he came to think of the other hosts as his family, perhaps that's when things changed.
Nobody has ever said no to him, but it's a thought he has every now and then, something he'd realized back in his own world. People give up important things for his own whims and desires. Haruhi's given up valuable study time to participate in club activities. Kyoya's given up positions of power and chances to claim fame solely to give Tamaki that chance. Honey-senpai gave up martial arts to be a host.
Why...
...and the people here have done several things and connected to him and others. And he thinks of the fact that Takaomi had to ask a question. "Is there anything that doesn't involve people?"
It's an unpleasant feeling to know the answer, and know that as soon as the participants leave things will be incredibly quiet again.
When he continues again, it's the same unsure tone even if the words seem pretty clear.]
Being someone's reason...it's a valuable thing, Takaomi-kun. Please don't forget that.
but taka finally looks at tamaki again after that, even if he's still having trouble at looking him directly in the eye. instead he focuses on a spot on his shoulder, at his ear, anywhere that's still him but not where he can properly see his full expression. ]
I mean that... this entire game, a lot of you have been basically telling me that my line of thinking is wrong and I need to change it. Some of you have even had me do favors that forced me to talk to others. It's annoying.
[ he looks back towards the door. ]
But someone like you wouldn't consider that annoying. I... I'm not brave at all. I know there's that one poem that goes, 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. I thought it was stupid. Why would anyone want to experience loss?
... I dunno how I feel about it still. But you shouldn't listen to someone like me, if literally everyone is telling me to shut the fuck up.
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expression says that he is not sure if he is allowed to ask or not ]
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My wish was to do all of these things and provide the best for the new world.
[It's much more complicated than that but he's not going to bug Taka about it since he's still pretty sure Taka's just here to tell him to stop flirting with Senri.]
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... I'm not sure if I could say yes to something like that. Becoming a god seems kind of depressing.
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I don't regret it. But I've realized things since I've come here that I wished I'd figured out before the ascension. There were things I wished I had done, and people I had seen, but...perhaps as a god...
[...yeah he doesn't know where to go with that thought, so he busies himself with closing the book and pulling it somewhere else. Glad that Taka gets to be one of the people to actually see Tamaki when he isn't composed.]
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[ there's a pause. ]
We won't see you guys again after this? Like ever?
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[...] Immortality, I've heard, is immortal. I believe we'll at least be able to check in on you even if you cannot see us.
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[ especially considering so many of the gods genuinely want to interact with others. ]
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It will work out the way that it should. I suppose you could say I have experience in this sort of thing.
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gives him a Look ]
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…I've never been a god before. It's nothing like that.
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[ anyway ]
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[ he doesn't know how to bring it up ]
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uncomfortable ]
Did you mean you're used to being alone.
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The staff at the second estate is very nice. They're around often. And I have the other hosts. [Um.] And I have Antoinette. And our customers who come by every day and visit with us at the club.
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It was a yes or no question.
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Okay.
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I'm sorry. [A pause.] I'm...afraid, I suppose, of what will happen after you all leave.
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That's why it's easier not to make any connections, you know.
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Perhaps. [It's very quiet, like he's actually really considering it.] ...thank you, Takaomi-kun.
[I can't believe Taka just broke Tamaki.]
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he doesn't look at tamaki again when he talks. ]
You're different from me.
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...maybe...it's true. But that can't be right. The connections he has with the other hosts are some of the most precious things in the world. But then again, how long has he been fighting for a connection with his family? When the two started to intermingle and when he came to think of the other hosts as his family, perhaps that's when things changed.
Nobody has ever said no to him, but it's a thought he has every now and then, something he'd realized back in his own world. People give up important things for his own whims and desires. Haruhi's given up valuable study time to participate in club activities. Kyoya's given up positions of power and chances to claim fame solely to give Tamaki that chance. Honey-senpai gave up martial arts to be a host.
Why...
...and the people here have done several things and connected to him and others. And he thinks of the fact that Takaomi had to ask a question. "Is there anything that doesn't involve people?"
It's an unpleasant feeling to know the answer, and know that as soon as the participants leave things will be incredibly quiet again.
When he continues again, it's the same unsure tone even if the words seem pretty clear.]
Being someone's reason...it's a valuable thing, Takaomi-kun. Please don't forget that.
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but taka finally looks at tamaki again after that, even if he's still having trouble at looking him directly in the eye. instead he focuses on a spot on his shoulder, at his ear, anywhere that's still him but not where he can properly see his full expression. ]
I mean that... this entire game, a lot of you have been basically telling me that my line of thinking is wrong and I need to change it. Some of you have even had me do favors that forced me to talk to others. It's annoying.
[ he looks back towards the door. ]
But someone like you wouldn't consider that annoying. I... I'm not brave at all. I know there's that one poem that goes, 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. I thought it was stupid. Why would anyone want to experience loss?
... I dunno how I feel about it still. But you shouldn't listen to someone like me, if literally everyone is telling me to shut the fuck up.
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