[his head is still bowed as he shakes it, eyes on the floor rather than on jack.]
I-- this is the third week we have done this together, and we are not truly any closer to actually saving anyone before the worst can happen. I was told Luna would have targeted Connor-san next, but then she could have been caught without our interference, and we still lost the person we were trying to keep safe.
It is beginning to feel as if it is an impossible task, to save anyone in this place, and now we have lost someone to that very effort.
For a robot who wanted to help humanity she definitely wasn't helping. [The hell. There's a bit of anger in his tone.] This...was maybe how the game was supposed to go even though I hate that, and I hate considering it, and I hate what it's doing. It shouldn't feel impossible to save anybody, and it shouldn't...[He tugs on his hood in frustration.]
You have to find who killed him. I'm not standing for this. Even if we can't save people before this happens, everything we do is a step closer to saving someone else.
[and that-- sure is a serious tone ishikirimaru has probably never taken in front of jack, low and almost threatening. it's likely not surprising, given that he's a sword at his core, but coming from him? it might be unexpected.
his hands clench slightly, but he exhales a slow and purposeful breath, forcing himself to relax.]
...I did not say anything last time, but this week, I feel as if it cannot be avoided. We know where we may start looking first, and I do not intend to waste time-- once the trial begins, I intend to let the others know where we need to search, as well as how I am aware. Answering questions about why I know will only waste our time.
[He's not perturbed by it, at least. He also means serious business here, even if he's having a little more trouble than Ishi when it comes to calming down.]
...and if for some reason I'm up for suspicion tomorrow again, what're you planning to do? You're not guilty, so if they at least know that we can get a lot of the big things out of the way and focus on finding his killer. And maybe that scroll to see where it ended up.
That is what my thoughts are, as well. The more we can clear up from the start, the less likely we are to run out of time, or to be misguided.
[a hum, there, before:]
I intend to keep Shishimaru out of this. No matter what happens, I will not name him as your follower, or let on that anyone but Ray and I were using the same ability. If that draws suspicion from others who think your third follower may have been involved, I will speak in his defense without naming him.
...see the thing is, Ray's a smart kid. Really smart. And you're you. People aren't going to expect foul play and they're more likely to believe you really were just on patrol. Which is true.
[But...yeah, he's nervous about Taka.] ...look, no matter what happens tomorrow, I trust you. I know you'll know the right thing to say when the time comes. I wouldn't have trusted you as much if I didn't believe in you, so...do what you think is best.
He knows. He doesn't approve of me doing it, but he knows.
[ishi exhales a heavy breath there, quiet for a moment.]
...and we trust you as well, you know. Even without everything you've done for us, but... especially now. I feel I speak for us both when I say that we will do whatever we can to ensure the truth comes out and that you are not suspected, should you be on the list.
...but thanks. For trusting me, too. [There's a deep breath as he looks at the ceiling.] We'll be okay. Whatever happens. We'll figure it out one step at a time.
[...] I'm...sorry I couldn't tell you last night. That he wasn't coming back.
[Just continues using this icon ig, but yeah, there's an equally slow nod.]
...as gods, we learn who dies as they die. So, before you guys get the dream. But likewise as gods we can't tell you or interfere that way. [So yeah, he super knew. And about Zoe and Jude. It's been a long and exhausting day for someone who's literally up all night.]
ishikirimaru just steadily pushes himself back to his feet, approaching the window seat jack's sitting in. it might be slightly awkward, considering that, but--
he wraps his arms around him anyway.]
...I am sorry.
It is easy to become wrapped up in everything that has happened, and to forget everything you must deal with, as well.
[knowing it as it happens, being aware and unable to say anything-- not to mention how unlucky jack especially has been, to lose two last week and another now.]
...well. It's not an unfamiliar concept anymore, but it's still a surprise. Ishi delivers a hug and Jack's sitting still for a few seconds because he's still not entirely sure what to make of these things, but...it's fine. After another few seconds, he'll return it. The fact he's sitting means it's only with one arm, but there's an attempt.]
This is what we signed up for. [Is it?] Every week, I know and I can't say anything or do anything to help. I should...it's against the rules, I get that, but it's not fair.
[You know, for someone who's over 300 years old he actually sounds like a teenager this time.] We lost someone in my old life because I couldn't help in time. I'm sick of letting that happen here, too.
[ishi is... not letting go. this is just a thing that's going to continue happening, because it seems like they could both use it; he definitely can, much as he would never admit it out loud.]
It isn't fair to you, especially not to those of you who never wanted it to be this way. It does not matter whether we will come back or not, because it has still happened, and whether we are able to forget it or not... will it be that easy for you?
[this is the sort of thing they cannot forget, because that's how it happens again. that's how these cycles repeat, and that can't happen.]
...I am tired of the same thing. Our duty sometimes means it is necessary to kill, or to stand by and not interfere with a death that history has dictated. Ignoring the course of history and altering it without care leads only to becoming corrupt, but still, I--
We made it happen once. Once, out of all those times we had to let humans die. Perhaps that one time has... clouded my judgment, but I cannot forget that it was not impossible after all.
[for all his current sorrow, he's still trying to hold on to that, even though he's admitted how hopeless it feels. there was a way then. there might still be a way now.
[Ishi is maybe the only person who can get away with this. Well, no, Taka could, but Taka's not here and Ishi's way too remnant of somebody Jack remembers from the old life. So yeah, a hug can continue.]
I worry about some of the younger ones who have to deal with knowing. Some of them are really just kids. But...no. We can't erase our memories of this the way we may be able to for you guys. I don't know if I'd want to anyway, but it's...hard. Sometimes.
[He can admit that, at least.] ...likewise, it's probably hard to give up when you know if you just try again, maybe it'll work. That's the tricky thing about hope. You don't give up even when it's...bad.
Clouded judgment or not, I'd rather you guys keep fighting than give up. That doesn't mean you can't be sad about what happened this time.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[his head is still bowed as he shakes it, eyes on the floor rather than on jack.]
I-- this is the third week we have done this together, and we are not truly any closer to actually saving anyone before the worst can happen. I was told Luna would have targeted Connor-san next, but then she could have been caught without our interference, and we still lost the person we were trying to keep safe.
It is beginning to feel as if it is an impossible task, to save anyone in this place, and now we have lost someone to that very effort.
no subject
You have to find who killed him. I'm not standing for this. Even if we can't save people before this happens, everything we do is a step closer to saving someone else.
no subject
[and that-- sure is a serious tone ishikirimaru has probably never taken in front of jack, low and almost threatening. it's likely not surprising, given that he's a sword at his core, but coming from him? it might be unexpected.
his hands clench slightly, but he exhales a slow and purposeful breath, forcing himself to relax.]
...I did not say anything last time, but this week, I feel as if it cannot be avoided. We know where we may start looking first, and I do not intend to waste time-- once the trial begins, I intend to let the others know where we need to search, as well as how I am aware. Answering questions about why I know will only waste our time.
no subject
...and if for some reason I'm up for suspicion tomorrow again, what're you planning to do? You're not guilty, so if they at least know that we can get a lot of the big things out of the way and focus on finding his killer. And maybe that scroll to see where it ended up.
no subject
[a hum, there, before:]
I intend to keep Shishimaru out of this. No matter what happens, I will not name him as your follower, or let on that anyone but Ray and I were using the same ability. If that draws suspicion from others who think your third follower may have been involved, I will speak in his defense without naming him.
no subject
[But...yeah, he's nervous about Taka.] ...look, no matter what happens tomorrow, I trust you. I know you'll know the right thing to say when the time comes. I wouldn't have trusted you as much if I didn't believe in you, so...do what you think is best.
Does Taka know?
no subject
[ishi exhales a heavy breath there, quiet for a moment.]
...and we trust you as well, you know. Even without everything you've done for us, but... especially now. I feel I speak for us both when I say that we will do whatever we can to ensure the truth comes out and that you are not suspected, should you be on the list.
no subject
...but thanks. For trusting me, too. [There's a deep breath as he looks at the ceiling.] We'll be okay. Whatever happens. We'll figure it out one step at a time.
[...] I'm...sorry I couldn't tell you last night. That he wasn't coming back.
no subject
I... I understand. And I can imagine that it must have been hard for you, being there without being able to tell us anything.
[but something comes to him then, and he glances up--]
You already knew-- so then last week, when you were with us, you...
[-knew that the rest of his following was dead. ishi's expression immediately softens, at that.]
no subject
...as gods, we learn who dies as they die. So, before you guys get the dream. But likewise as gods we can't tell you or interfere that way. [So yeah, he super knew. And about Zoe and Jude. It's been a long and exhausting day for someone who's literally up all night.]
no subject
ishikirimaru just steadily pushes himself back to his feet, approaching the window seat jack's sitting in. it might be slightly awkward, considering that, but--
he wraps his arms around him anyway.]
...I am sorry.
It is easy to become wrapped up in everything that has happened, and to forget everything you must deal with, as well.
[knowing it as it happens, being aware and unable to say anything-- not to mention how unlucky jack especially has been, to lose two last week and another now.]
no subject
...well. It's not an unfamiliar concept anymore, but it's still a surprise. Ishi delivers a hug and Jack's sitting still for a few seconds because he's still not entirely sure what to make of these things, but...it's fine. After another few seconds, he'll return it. The fact he's sitting means it's only with one arm, but there's an attempt.]
This is what we signed up for. [Is it?] Every week, I know and I can't say anything or do anything to help. I should...it's against the rules, I get that, but it's not fair.
[You know, for someone who's over 300 years old he actually sounds like a teenager this time.] We lost someone in my old life because I couldn't help in time. I'm sick of letting that happen here, too.
no subject
[ishi is... not letting go. this is just a thing that's going to continue happening, because it seems like they could both use it; he definitely can, much as he would never admit it out loud.]
It isn't fair to you, especially not to those of you who never wanted it to be this way. It does not matter whether we will come back or not, because it has still happened, and whether we are able to forget it or not... will it be that easy for you?
[this is the sort of thing they cannot forget, because that's how it happens again. that's how these cycles repeat, and that can't happen.]
...I am tired of the same thing. Our duty sometimes means it is necessary to kill, or to stand by and not interfere with a death that history has dictated. Ignoring the course of history and altering it without care leads only to becoming corrupt, but still, I--
We made it happen once. Once, out of all those times we had to let humans die. Perhaps that one time has... clouded my judgment, but I cannot forget that it was not impossible after all.
[for all his current sorrow, he's still trying to hold on to that, even though he's admitted how hopeless it feels. there was a way then. there might still be a way now.
but what if there's really not?]
no subject
I worry about some of the younger ones who have to deal with knowing. Some of them are really just kids. But...no. We can't erase our memories of this the way we may be able to for you guys. I don't know if I'd want to anyway, but it's...hard. Sometimes.
[He can admit that, at least.] ...likewise, it's probably hard to give up when you know if you just try again, maybe it'll work. That's the tricky thing about hope. You don't give up even when it's...bad.
Clouded judgment or not, I'd rather you guys keep fighting than give up. That doesn't mean you can't be sad about what happened this time.