Usually it isn't, but I understand your concerns. [He can't even be mad, considering. Though he's silent again as he debates how to phrase his thoughts.]
To have someone as special as Senri...and for him to have someone like you. It's a very rare, special thing. Being able to find comfort and understanding in one another in a situation such as this and being able to return with those memories and experiences...it's sort of wonderful, isn't it? [He props his head on his hand, facing Taka for the time being.] Some people go for a very long time not recognizing their own feelings and may miss opportunities for their own happiness. I find it fortunate that you were given a chance to be able to find yours.
...he cares for you very much. Despite how he may feel about me, it's you that he's chosen.
... I only even confessed because I was mad about that conversation we had, and about his date with Sasuke. I told him because I was frustrated, and he wouldn't leave me alone once he realized something was wrong. And I didn't think he liked me back. I didn't run away after because I was embarrassed, I ran away because I thought I just ruined the friendship we were finally making.
[ ... ]
But I know that if I hadn't said anything at that exact moment, our roles would be reversed right now. I just realized slightly faster than you did.
[He shrugs then.] You aren't the first to do so. To speak with me, and then become frustrated enough by my own actions to confess your feelings to someone else.
Even if you were faster, that doesn't mean he likes you any less than he would have liked me. And perhaps in a way it's for the best. It's motivation to continue playing, isn't it? Having someone to rely on.
[…] Truthfully it's my fault for letting this happen twice. And I understand that you're angry with me for acting as I have, but…in a few weeks, you'll all be gone. And we'll still be here. I just…I don't want anything to change while there's still time, though I know that isn't fair to you in particular.
…I've had more than my fair share of people tell me to open my eyes and see what's in front of me, but in some cases I've never been particularly good at that.
Even though the confession was out of spite, the feelings are legitimate, aren't they?
... I'm not saying you have to stop, just-- if I was doing the same with someone else, Senri would be really angry about it, and would want me to stop. But he still does it anyway.
[ it's annoying, but takaomi was the one who said he'll continue staying with senri no matter who else he likes, so it's not like he can really complain about it as much as he wants. ]
Just a little less, when I can see you. It's all I ask. [ ... ] If what you guys have planned for today is a party, he said that he promised you both the first and last dance. And I told him to keep that promise to you, since it's something that was supposed to be between the two of you.
[ he looks down at the ground. ]
You two fit together very well. Probably in ways that I don't know about, because I don't know much about you. And I can't help but think that he might be a little happier if he had someone who understood him more, or could be there for him in a way that I can't, but... I have to be selfish here, cause I love him.
Senri's a bit hypocritical that way. [Even criticizing him, Tamaki sounds fond. But he understands. Sometimes the people you care for are just. Like that. And you deal with it.] …but alright. I think those terms are acceptable.
[There's a pause though and he tilts his head to the side in thought.] It's part of what we have planned, yes. A ball. And it was a promise we made some time ago, but…Takaomi-kun, you do realize what the last dance is meant for, yes? Though Senri and I spoke of it I'm not sure it makes sense any longer to take that from you.
…Senri and I understand each other probably a bit more than anyone realizes, including himself. When I look at him, I see myself. But I see her as well. And that is why, perhaps, we get along as well as we do. But I don't think it's so much a matter of someone who understands him more because you can always have people who understand. There's a difference between loving someone and understanding them.
Sometimes it's alright to be selfish that way, I think. Do you remember what you asked me last time? I still think happiness in other people is the highest form of fulfillment. But perhaps that's just me.
[Another pause.] …I care for him very much. But no matter how much I spoil him or take care of him or pretend that things could have been different, I can never be exactly what he needs in spite of what he thinks. That's what you are.
[ ... her. tamaki has mentioned being too late to realize his feelings for someone before. taka tries to imagine whoever this girl might be, but he can't quite picture it. that shoudn't be too surprising though. ]
... you'll find someone.
[ that's not what he had been planning on saying, but it's what comes out anyway. taka frowns, like he's still not satisfied. ]
I'm not saying that so you can like... get over my boyfriend more quickly. But you seem like the kind of person who won't be alone for long. [ ... ] And I'm not saying you'll get over them, but...
...it's alright. You don't really need to know what to say in this situation. It's not really a matter of getting over anyone or finding someone but an entirely different circumstance.
That aside, who do you think is going to be left when all of you leave? [Finding someone won't be that easy, basically.]
I suppose being here and meeting you all...I've been second-guessing this decision. I still want to win and create the world as I think it should be, but I do wish I had put a little more thought into this before saying yes to the call.
[ it's strange, hearing the gods talk about whether they regret their choice or not. taka wonders how he might have reacted if he was given the call. his instincts says no, but he supposes it'll probably feel different when you're actually in the situation. ]
...Hikaru told me to give it my all, and so I ascended to try and create the perfect world. My father once told me that I can't apply my ideals or my sense of justice to business, and I still don't know why I couldn't. And I had a promise to my mother to keep.
My wish was to do all of these things and provide the best for the new world.
[It's much more complicated than that but he's not going to bug Taka about it since he's still pretty sure Taka's just here to tell him to stop flirting with Senri.]
I'm hesitant to call it a mistake because it wasn't that. But usually Kyoya will help me with big decisions, or Haruhi will point out how ridiculous it is. It was a split decision that needed more time than I gave it.
I don't regret it. But I've realized things since I've come here that I wished I'd figured out before the ascension. There were things I wished I had done, and people I had seen, but...perhaps as a god...
[...yeah he doesn't know where to go with that thought, so he busies himself with closing the book and pulling it somewhere else. Glad that Taka gets to be one of the people to actually see Tamaki when he isn't composed.]
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[ he has never actually witnessed senri and tamaki interact with each other until monday, after all.
but he pauses at the question. ]
What do you mean?
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To have someone as special as Senri...and for him to have someone like you. It's a very rare, special thing. Being able to find comfort and understanding in one another in a situation such as this and being able to return with those memories and experiences...it's sort of wonderful, isn't it? [He props his head on his hand, facing Taka for the time being.] Some people go for a very long time not recognizing their own feelings and may miss opportunities for their own happiness. I find it fortunate that you were given a chance to be able to find yours.
...he cares for you very much. Despite how he may feel about me, it's you that he's chosen.
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[ ... ]
But I know that if I hadn't said anything at that exact moment, our roles would be reversed right now. I just realized slightly faster than you did.
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Even if you were faster, that doesn't mean he likes you any less than he would have liked me. And perhaps in a way it's for the best. It's motivation to continue playing, isn't it? Having someone to rely on.
[…] Truthfully it's my fault for letting this happen twice. And I understand that you're angry with me for acting as I have, but…in a few weeks, you'll all be gone. And we'll still be here. I just…I don't want anything to change while there's still time, though I know that isn't fair to you in particular.
…I've had more than my fair share of people tell me to open my eyes and see what's in front of me, but in some cases I've never been particularly good at that.
Even though the confession was out of spite, the feelings are legitimate, aren't they?
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[ it's annoying, but takaomi was the one who said he'll continue staying with senri no matter who else he likes, so it's not like he can really complain about it as much as he wants. ]
Just a little less, when I can see you. It's all I ask. [ ... ] If what you guys have planned for today is a party, he said that he promised you both the first and last dance. And I told him to keep that promise to you, since it's something that was supposed to be between the two of you.
[ he looks down at the ground. ]
You two fit together very well. Probably in ways that I don't know about, because I don't know much about you. And I can't help but think that he might be a little happier if he had someone who understood him more, or could be there for him in a way that I can't, but... I have to be selfish here, cause I love him.
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[There's a pause though and he tilts his head to the side in thought.] It's part of what we have planned, yes. A ball. And it was a promise we made some time ago, but…Takaomi-kun, you do realize what the last dance is meant for, yes? Though Senri and I spoke of it I'm not sure it makes sense any longer to take that from you.
…Senri and I understand each other probably a bit more than anyone realizes, including himself. When I look at him, I see myself. But I see her as well. And that is why, perhaps, we get along as well as we do. But I don't think it's so much a matter of someone who understands him more because you can always have people who understand. There's a difference between loving someone and understanding them.
Sometimes it's alright to be selfish that way, I think. Do you remember what you asked me last time? I still think happiness in other people is the highest form of fulfillment. But perhaps that's just me.
[Another pause.] …I care for him very much. But no matter how much I spoil him or take care of him or pretend that things could have been different, I can never be exactly what he needs in spite of what he thinks. That's what you are.
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... you'll find someone.
[ that's not what he had been planning on saying, but it's what comes out anyway. taka frowns, like he's still not satisfied. ]
I'm not saying that so you can like... get over my boyfriend more quickly. But you seem like the kind of person who won't be alone for long. [ ... ] And I'm not saying you'll get over them, but...
I don't know what I'm saying.
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That aside, who do you think is going to be left when all of you leave? [Finding someone won't be that easy, basically.]
I suppose being here and meeting you all...I've been second-guessing this decision. I still want to win and create the world as I think it should be, but I do wish I had put a little more thought into this before saying yes to the call.
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Why did you say yes?
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expression says that he is not sure if he is allowed to ask or not ]
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My wish was to do all of these things and provide the best for the new world.
[It's much more complicated than that but he's not going to bug Taka about it since he's still pretty sure Taka's just here to tell him to stop flirting with Senri.]
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... I'm not sure if I could say yes to something like that. Becoming a god seems kind of depressing.
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I don't regret it. But I've realized things since I've come here that I wished I'd figured out before the ascension. There were things I wished I had done, and people I had seen, but...perhaps as a god...
[...yeah he doesn't know where to go with that thought, so he busies himself with closing the book and pulling it somewhere else. Glad that Taka gets to be one of the people to actually see Tamaki when he isn't composed.]
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[ there's a pause. ]
We won't see you guys again after this? Like ever?
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[...] Immortality, I've heard, is immortal. I believe we'll at least be able to check in on you even if you cannot see us.
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[ especially considering so many of the gods genuinely want to interact with others. ]
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It will work out the way that it should. I suppose you could say I have experience in this sort of thing.
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gives him a Look ]
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…I've never been a god before. It's nothing like that.
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[ anyway ]
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[ he doesn't know how to bring it up ]
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uncomfortable ]
Did you mean you're used to being alone.
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